Hard To Love

Hard to Love, Real Tools for Real Relationships

And if you have your Bibles, will you turn with me to Proverbs chapter 18? Proverbs chapter 18. And while you’re turning there, I did want to say a huge congratulations to Seth and Eliza for this past weekend. Come on. Incredible. Congratulations, you two. Y’all remember that? Y’all been married for you know 30 years. You guys remember that? Young love. The best. The best.

We’re starting a new series this morning, and I’ve entitled it Hard to Love. Hard to Love, Real Tools for Real Relationships. And I want to start off by saying this that this series is for you. Maybe you if your marriage is awesome right now, this series is for you. If you haven’t talked to your spouse in three months, this series is for you. If you’re single and ready to mingle, this series is for you. If you’ve got a co-worker that makes your blood pressure spike every time they enter into the room, the series is for you. If you’re the person that your friends come to for advice, but you struggle to maintain relationships yourself, this series is for you. If you’ve got teenagers and you think that aliens came and replaced them with little demons when they were sleeping, this series is for you.

Maybe you’re new to the church and you’re just trying to like figure out how to do relationships in this room. This series is for you. And if you’re thinking like Pastor David, I don’t need help with relationships. Well, this series is especially for you. Because here’s the reality you can write this down. We’ve got a bunch of stuff for you to write down this morning. Your greatest joys and your greatest pain in life will come from the same place, your relationships. The birth of that child, the greatest joy. The death of that loved one, the greatest pain. A friend that sticks closer to a brother, greatest joy. The betrayal of someone you trusted, your greatest pain. And that’s why we’ve got to get it right because relationships will make or break your life.

Relationships Will Make or Break Your Life

And some of you might be thinking, like, man, Pastor David, can’t we talk about something deep? They always want something deep. Can we talk about something deep? Listen, I’ve got my degree in theology, so I can parse Greek verbs till we’re blue in the face. Yeah, like I can teach you about the multi-layered metaphors in the book of Daniel and Revelation. And some people love that stuff, and I love that stuff too. But I’ve learned as someone who sits on this side of the counseling desk, I’ve learned this. Relationships are one of the primary ways God moves you forward, and one of the primary ways the enemy comes and takes you out.

In fact, I can think of five people. I’m yeah, right off the top of my head, I can think of at least five people whose life and purpose and calling was derailed, not because they weren’t gifted, not because they weren’t anointed, not because they weren’t talented, but because they were reckless with the choices that they made regarding relationships.

Look at this, Proverbs chapter 18, verse 24, it says this one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

And you might be thinking, like, didn’t we learn all this in youth group? Is this like a youth group? Like this is not, this is not, you know, Jesus loves you, so be nice to each other. Like what we’re hoping to provide in this series is real tools for real relationships. Because at the end of the day, if we haven’t taught you how to tell the difference between a life-giving relationship and a toxic relationship. Like if you if you if you come to this church for five years and you can’t tell the difference between those two things, well then I haven’t done my responsibility, which is to teach you to live the Jesus way.

All Relationships Produce Change

You won’t get life right if you get relationships wrong. That’s just a reality. And people think that that’s parents all know this about their kids, and they forget that it’s also true for them. That the relationships that you have will either propel you into your destiny or take you out of it. And that’s true when you’re 15, and it’s also true when you’re 75. The people that are around you will make or break you and your life.

And so I’ve got three points briefly that I want you to write down. We’ve got a lot of different places we’re gonna go in the series, but by way of introduction, I’ve got three uh three points for you. If you’re taking notes, I want you to write this. Number one, all relationships produce change. Y’all hear all relationships produce change.

Proverbs chapter 27, verse 17 says this as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

And you know, it’s interesting that word sharpens, it means two things in the English language, doesn’t it? Sharp can mean smart, but sharp can also mean like careless and reckless and destructive. And I think that this verse it applies in both ways, right? So, like if you hang around sharp people, people that know how to think, you become sharp too. But if you’re but if you hang around people that are sharp with their words, reckless and destructive with their words, you become that too. The sharpness that you’re exposed to becomes the sharpness that comes out of you.

And if you’ve spent any time in church, you’ve heard this a thousand times. All the young people have heard this. It’s show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. You’ve all heard that, right? Show me your friends, I’ll show you your future. Let me see if I can adult it up a little bit. Like, who are the who are the three, four, five closest people in your life? Think about it. Who are those people? Listen to me, I’ve got news for you. That’s a mirror. That’s a mirror. And if you don’t like where they are, then you gotta be careful because that’s where you’re going.

So you have to choose your friends wisely because they’re a mirror of where you’re going. And that’s not like some like cute little church thing, like that’s been proven. It’s an absolute undeniable reality that your closest relationships are shaping and directing you. And that’s not pop psychology. It is pop psychology, but it’s also biblical truth that’s been around for thousands of years.

Look at this first Corinthians chapter 15, verse 33. Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.

Do not be misled. What’s he saying? He’s saying he’s saying it’s possible for you to be blind to the impact that your closest relationships are having on you. And notice it doesn’t say it bad company might corrupt, it just says corrupts. Like it’s the law. It doesn’t apply to me. But then, like, step off a building and like see what happens. But give it 10 years, and you’ll see that you become like those people. The people around you are like an elevator. They’re either taking you up or they’re taking you down. But they, in absolute truth, there’s undeniable that that they are taking you somewhere.

Proverbs chapter 27, verse 6 says this. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Isn’t that interesting? Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Just because someone’s nice to you doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Somebody, y’all hear that? Just because they’re nice to you doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Man, but Pastor David, they they give me attention. Yeah, well, maybe that’s because they have uh maybe because they have nothing to do. Maybe you have an insecurity problem and not a relationship problem. You know, like, oh, but Pastor Dave, they’re always available. Well, it’s maybe because they don’t have any direction in life. You don’t want to you don’t want to pick your closest relationships based on who’s free on Friday. It’s not a compliment to say they ain’t got nothing going on.

You could say it like this, you write it down. Careless people form relationships based on convenience and availability. Wise people form relationships based on calling and alignment. Careless people form relationships based on convenience and availability. Wise people form relationships based on calling and alignment. If you just surround yourself with the people who are nearby, well, then you start to drift into their values. That’s how people end up in toxic relationships. Like I counsel people and they’re like, I don’t know how, I don’t know how I got here. You know, it seemed cool at the time, but everything was. The reason is this is people form relationships based on convenience and availability. Rather than forming relationships based on where you’re trying to go, what God is doing in you, how you see the world, you know.

Like, are the people around you shaping you? Yes. But are they making you better, are they making you worse? So you might be thinking, okay, fine, Pastor David, how do you find the right relationships then? I get it. Relationships, I need them. Good relationships, I need them. How do you find the right relationships? Well, there’s this guy, Mike Duffy, not a Christian, by the way. Um, he wrote a book. It’s called The Happiness Book, and he researched happiness for like 30 years. Again, not a Christian. And he says this that the best way to make meet great people is to volunteer. Right? Not just at church, but volunteer. Why? Because jerks don’t feed the homeless. You know what I’m saying? Lazy people don’t show up early to serve at church. Godly people show up early to serve. And when you serve, you’re with them. And when you’re here, when they’re here, you find them.

And so every relationship is taking you somewhere. I’ve got to move on. Whether it’s it’s not about whether it’s changing you or not changing you, it’s about how it’s changing you. Are the relationships closest closest to you making you more like Jesus? Or less like Jesus? Are the people closest to you making you more faithful? Or are they making you more cynical? You might be thinking, Pastor David, I’m 60. That don’t apply to me. Well, then you’re disagreeing with God Himself. Doesn’t matter what season of life you’re in, you are becoming like the people you surround yourself with. Are those people making you more loving or are they making you more bitter? And it’s not about being judgmental, it’s about being intentional. It’s about being intentional with who gets the most access to your life because those people that are around you will determine your direction.

You Need the Right People in the Right Places

Number one, all relationships produce change. Number two, if you’re taking notes, you can write this down. You need the right people in the right places. The right people in the right places. Would you do me a favor? Would you all just like look around real quick, look at the seats, just the configuration of the chairs here at the church. So we have sections. This is section, this is you probably not even interesting to y’all. One, two, one, A, B, C, D. Even David Goldman knows it. He hasn’t worked for years. A, B, C, and D. We’ve got this. And then within those sections, we’ve got rows, right? Row one, these are the these are the real, the real Christians. Kidding. Just kidding. Row two, row three, row four.

Now let’s say we tried to cram everyone into the front row. It wouldn’t work, right? And I one of the biggest mistakes we see in relationships is trying to put everyone in the front row of your life. Like think about your house. Most of you got a house somewhere you live. You’ve got uh you’ve got a front yard, right? And you’ve got it, most of you, you’ve got a living room, and you’ve all got a kitchen. And think about that’s how it is, it needs to be in relationships. Some people belong in the front yard. Come on. You’re still friendly, you still wave, but they don’t come inside. Please tell me I’ve got plenty of neighbors. Hey John, he’s not coming into my house. He’s a front yard friend.

But then you’ve got you’ve got some people that can come into the living room. Right? You can I invite you in, you could sit in my living room. And then you’ve got your kitchen people. The kitchen people, they they they’d come in and they’d raid your fridge without asking you. Right? This is so like if I go if I go to my parents’ house or I go to my sister’s house, Marshall and Cindy’s house, Hannah’s house, like I’m not I’m gonna if I want something to drink, I’m not gonna ask. I just go get it. Just go get something and so different levels of closeness provide different levels of access. Are you with me? Right so so it’s not about judgment it’s about clarity on who belongs where that’s not being hateful. It’s being clear and it’s protecting your heart.

Look at this Proverbs chapter 4 verse 23 above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.

Everything you do flows from your heart. That’s why the enemy wants it y’all hearing me right because he knows that when he gets your heart he gets you and you’d be amazed at how many people are more guarded with their house than they are with their heart.