Healing Words

We all stumble in many ways. How many people know that’s true? We all stumble in many ways. Listen to this. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect and able to keep their whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses, we make them to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. Listen to this. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire. It is set, it is itself set on fire by hell.

Can I get an amen? So Heavenly Father, we come before you today. We’re just so grateful. We’re grateful for your church, we’re grateful for your word. We ask that you would speak to us and that you would help us to listen. And it’s in your sons, then we pray. Everybody said, Amen.

The currency of life here on earth is time

So everywhere you go in life, there’s a currency. So if you’re here in the US, our currency is the dollar. If you go to Japan, does anyone know the currency is the yen? If you go to the EU, the currency is the euro. Well, the currency of heaven is grace and faith. Grace is the gift and gifts that God gives us, and faith is how we receive them. Well, the currency of life here on earth is time. You can’t save it, you can’t keep it. All you can do is spend it.

And when you’re young and you’ve got like lots of time, you don’t realize what a precious asset you have in having so much time. And it’s not until you’ve spent most of your time that you realize how precious it is. So I think one of the most tragic things in life is wasted time. Because you don’t get more. And so that’s one of the reasons that for us we think relationships are worth talking about. We’re talking about relationships because relationships are one of the places in life that you invest the most time. And if someone says, Pastor David, I wasted the last 10 years of my life, we already know they’re talking about relationships. Because that’s where people spend time, that’s where people waste time, that’s where people lose time, but that’s also where people redeem time.

And so we’re in a series called Hard to Love. The idea is just real tools for real relationships. And week one, this is week three. Week one, if you missed it, we talked about how all relationships produce change. And if you want to end up in the right place, well, then you need to surround yourself with the right people. And then in week two, we talked about what I call silent killers of relationships. And I realize, I just want to admit right off the bat that last week I did not do my closing statement. I always have, if you’re new, I always have a closing statement at the end of the day, and the amount of people that have told me that I did not do my closing statement is unbelievable. The reason is because a lot of people don’t want to take notes. They just want to snap a picture at the end to get the summary of. And my my do what you gotta do, you know, whatever helps you. So for the first time ever, I’ve never done this before as a way of review for last week. We’re gonna do last week’s closing statement right here at the top.

Okay, so this is our closing statement for last week. These silent killers work to destroy our relationships. One unmet expectations, the trap we set for ourselves when we expect without communicating. Two, negative assumptions when we fill in gaps with fiction instead of seeking truth. Three, the rumor mill, talking about gossip, words that poison both the speaker and hearer. Four, the resentment cycle, when layers of partial forgiveness build up over time. Five, chronic offense when being offended becomes the lens for all relationships. The good news is this Jesus teaches us not how just to heal from bad relationships, but to make our current relationships all he designed them to be. Okay, are we even? Y’all forgive me? Okay, okay.

Healing words

Okay, so here we go. Today we’re gonna talk about this. If you’re taking notes, I want you to write this down real big. Healing words. Healing words. Every healthy relationship I’ve ever seen comes down to one thing. How people talk to each other. How they communicate. People will say that you know, the number one reason people get divorced is money. It’s not money. Like, I promise, I promise it’s not money. It’s how they communicate. Every every kid that you know kids become estranged from their families. The number one reason that kids become estranged from their families is not strict rules, it’s not it’s not curfew, it’s communication, how they talk to each other.

And you know, this past Friday I was come in as I do. I come here, we’re you closed on Fridays, but I usually come in and I study and I pray, and oft I usually don’t, I’m not a I’m not a crying guy, Jordan knows, but man, I I I was praying on Friday and I just and I started crying because I just felt like God was bringing so many people and so many situations to mind and and just how much ground the enemy takes because we’re never deliberate and deliberate in the way that I think that we should be with what we say. And I felt like God told me it’s like some he I felt like this, you know I never say this kind of stuff. I felt like he said that the truths that he wants to share with us this morning is gonna save someone’s relationship. And I don’t know if that’s a I don’t know if that’s a marriage, I don’t know if that’s a relationship with a kid. Like I like I don’t know. I don’t know. But I but I do believe that the plans that the enemy had for you, if you can hear what God wants to say to you today, can be broken, and a piece that you’ve been missing in a relationship can be revealed to you. And so I’m just gonna get into it.

You know what’s fascinating about God? Psalm chapter 138, verse 2 tells us that he has exalted his exalted his word even above his own name. Isn’t that interesting? Think about it. He has exalted his word even above his name. His name is above every name. His name causes demons to tremble. His name is a strong tower. And yet he says that he has elevated his word even above that. And you think about like the creation account in Genesis, you know, when God comes and he creates everything that we see. God didn’t create the universe with his hands. He created the universe universe with his words. God spoke and things were. So let there be light. Let the waters separate and they separated. Let there be land and dry ground appeared. And it wasn’t because he was doing things with his hands, it’s because he was doing things with his words.

We read about that in Hebrews chapter 11, verse 3, it says this.

By faith we understand that the universe was formed, listen to this, at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what is visible.

Everything that you can see started with something you couldn’t see. Words. The ocean that you can see started as words. The mountains that we can hop out and we can look at the Sandia Mountains. How did the Sandia Mountains start? With words. And it’s a simple principle, I think, but you have to understand that that’s a principle that’s at your also at work in your life right now. Your world, your relationships, your fruit, your future, they’re all being formed by your words. And so if you want to know like why some relationships are thriving and some relationships are dying, I guarantee it has everything to do with the communication that exists in that relationship.

And so I’ve got three things for you when it comes to relationships. We’re just talking about it’s not romantic relationships. This is relationships across the board. So your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your boss, your best friends, your siblings, your children, your parents. These are principles about your words that apply to relationships.

Words are seeds

So if you’re taking notes, I want you to write this down. Number one, words are seeds. Words are seeds. Why don’t you repeat that phrase with me? Words are seeds. You know, Jesus, when He wants to reveal to us a spiritual truth, sometimes he uses farming metaphors. And in Mark chapter 4, of course, you probably know Mark chapter 4, it’s called the parable of the sower. It’s very well very well known story. And in Mark chapter 4, verse 14, Jesus says this the farmer sows the word. So he tells a parable about seed going into the ground, and then afterwards he reveals what he’s talking about, and he says, the farmer sows the word. And in this particular case, he’s talking about the gospel message. He’s talking about the gospel message that would go to different people’s hearts. But the principle applies to all words, and the principle is this the words you say produce things in your life. The words you say produce things in your life.

Proverbs chapter 18, verse 21 says this.

The tongue has the power of life and death. And those who love it, listen to this, will eat its fruit.

So the tongue has fruit. Right? And so what’s the metaphor there? It’s that it’s that you say things, and those are seeds that go into the ground and they produce things in your life.

Matthew chapter 13, verse 32. Jesus says this though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree. Husbands, listen to me. Wives, listen to me, kids, parents, friends. Listen to me, your words might seem small and insignificant. But man, like a small word of encouragement to your spouse, like a quick prayer with your child, a moment of honest communication with a friend. Like, don’t let the smallness of those things trick you. Because that’s how seeds work. They seem small, you might think, like, what’s one encouraging word gonna do? What’s one honest conversation gonna change? Like, what’s one moment of vulnerability gonna do? But it’s like it’s like looking at a tiny mustard seed, right? Like the tiniest little sesame seed and saying, like, what’s gonna this can’t do anything. Look how small it is. And then fast forward 20 years down the road, and you see that that small thing that seemed really insignificant to you at the time has produced this massive thing.

Right? So, like some of you, some of you are living in the reality of seeds that you sowed carelessly. And you didn’t think it was a big time at the time. So, Pastor, you come like, Pastor Marshall, I don’t know how we got here. Well, I don’t know either. But I can say one place to check is the seeds that you’ve sown with your words. Listen to me, every breakthrough starts out as a seed. Every breakthrough that restored marriage starts with a seed. That healed friendship starts with a seed. That deeper connection starts with a seed. People tell me all the time, like, I want that marriage, oh, I want that marriage, I want a relationship like that, I want trust like that. But they’re looking at the fruit and neglecting the seed. Like you, like you see the tree, but then you miss the years of daily watering. And it’s like it’s like wanting an apple orchard, but being unwilling to plant an apple seed. It starts as a seed, the change that you’re wanting in whatever in whatever relationship.

I’m I know in this room, all kinds of different relationships. And I hope you’re taking it personal. I hope don’t in any of this, don’t think like, I really wished my husband was here in this. I’m talking to you, right? He’s wishing you were here in this. So I don’t know what what relationship, but I can tell you, every relational change starts with a seed of a word. And people are people are underestimating the significant change that comes when you can say small things. Small beginnings. Look at this. So God celebrates when the work begins. When you start planting those seeds, like when you choose, when you choose a kind word instead of a harsh word. God celebrates it when you offer forgiveness instead of holding on to an offense. When you speak life instead of death over your situation.

You know what I mean? Like you go to youth group and like the kid who had headphones on listening to metal music all loud, trying to drown out the pre. Like they were thinking, like, this is gonna be the lead pastor. No one. No one. My parents, they didn’t see. So, like, how did this start? I’ll tell you, with a tiny seed. And it’s this Pastor Cindy came up to me one day and she says, This, I think you might be a preacher. And I said, I think you might need to have your head checked. Lady, right? Here we are, 23 years later. But it started as a seed. You might think, what is saying that one little thing gonna do? It could change someone’s destiny. And I’m not just saying good. I love good, but it can change someone’s destiny, the things that you say, because words are seeds.

Here’s the thing: God provides the seed, but you have to plant it. Come on. 2 Corinthians chapter 9 says this. God provides seed to the sower. And so He has given you the opportunity to speak life, to sow good seeds, but He doesn’t force you to speak life. He doesn’t force you to choose encouraging words. He doesn’t plant the seeds for you. And some of you are, you’re holding on to seeds that need to be in the ground. Like it. It’s like, yeah, I really ought to say that. You know, I really ought to say that. Like you never know if you’re gonna have another chance to say what you know you’re supposed to say. So say it today. Man, say that thing to your kid. Maybe you think, oh, my kid’s good. Say it. Say it because you never know. Like you have this incredible power in your tongue to plant seeds that might be like, he just is like, thanks, Dad. Yeah, if you didn’t realize you might have changed his life. In small little things.

And so if you’re wondering why things aren’t changing, you still have seeds in your hand. Like you still have the seeds of forgiveness in your hand, seeds of encouragement in your hand that need to be planted. Truth that needs to be planted, love that needs to be planted. Every relationship that you admire that’s healthy starts with good words. And every broken relationship that you see started with the seeds of death-bringing words. And so the question is this what kind of seeds are you planting right now? In your family, what are you planting? In your relationships, what are you planting? What words are you, what words are you putting in the ground now because you’re gonna be living in that reality down the road. So number one, words are seeds.

Words are weapons

Number two, I hope you are you okay with this? It’s not fancy preaching. This is not, this is not this is nothing fancy. This is pastoring. This is me teaching you how to live the Jesus way. Words are seeds. Number two is this words are weapons. Words are weapons.

James chapter 3, verse 3. Again, we read it.

Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil. Listen to this. A world of evil among the body parts. It corrupts the whole body. Listen to this, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire. And is set on fire by set itself on fire by hell.

You know, I got my driver’s license when I was 14 and nine months, if you can believe it. It’s a miracle that I’m here. Like I should believe it. Like I look at 14-year-olds and I’m like part of what they do in drivers ed, like they teach you how to use your turn signal, they teach you which one’s the brake and they teach you which one’s the gas and all that, but also, what they’re trying to do is they’re trying to get you to take seriously the reality that they’re like putting you in a 2,000-pound weapon that could kill you and lots of other people. Right? And so they they show the red asphalt. I don’t know if anyone remembers red asphalt. It’s just like this movie that’s just like gory showing you all of these accents because it’s trying to say like what you’re doing here is powerful, and the tool that we’re gonna give you, which is the vehicle, is power. And and if you don’t, and you can’t have this if you don’t understand the power of this.

And so, like, so like if you just think this is not a big deal. And James, I think is kind of trying to do the same thing. That like you have you have this like this thing slip sliding around in your mouth right now. And James is just trying to say, like, that thing can kill you, and that thing can kill other people. And he uses three metaphors. He talks about a bit in a horse’s mouth directing its whole body, a rudder on a ship that determines where it goes, and then a spark that sets a forest fire. I want you to think about that last one. Think about like it’s like a tiny spark that sets a whole forest on fire. It’s it’s something tiny, and it can destroy something really big. And he’s talking about what tremendous damage we can cause with our words. It’s like my whole family has been ripped apart. How does that happen? Well, I can tell you how it starts with a spark. My my whole my my family’s on fire. How does that start? Well, I can tell you how it starts with a spark.

And something that I’ve personally learned, I don’t know if you’ve experienced this too, physical wounds heal faster than word wounds. Right? Like I can go, like I go up and break Jensen’s arm. I don’t know why I would, but I could if I go, you know, and like put a cast on it six to eight weeks, he’ll be fine. But man, there’s people in this room that were wounded 20 years ago. Right. And they and they still carry that pain everywhere they go. Remember, I guess maybe a year or two ago, I was counseling with this guy. Had a great has a great wife, he’s got two kids, I think two boys. But he was talking to me, and and he said, he said, When I was a teenager, my dad told me, you’ll make a terrible father. It was like 20 years ago. And he and he he said, I think about that every day. And here’s the thing like he was a great father. He’s a great dad. But man, he’s still living with that, still fighting with that every day. That’s how powerful words are.

Ephesians chapter 4, verse 29 says this.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

And some of you are carrying word wounds from a parent who spoke death over you. Still, right? Some of you, a spouse who belittled you, a friend who betrayed your trust, a teacher who discouraged you, a coach who shamed you. And so it’s just it’s just understanding this, like, like I don’t it might be a bummer, but I’m just I’m just hoping to encourage you and tell you that like this thing that you have in your mouth has the power to do incredible damage.

And it’s not just about, it’s not just about the right words, it’s also about how you use it, right? So, like if you think about think about going to war, you get access to these very powerful weapons. Grenades, assaults, I don’t even know weapons. But yeah, but but yeah. But here’s the thing: like, if you just go on to the battlefield and just start shooting those things everywhere, like you can actually cause more harm than good. If you want to use powerful weapons responsibly, you need the right weapon, the right target, the right timing. And in the same way, with our words, we need, and I don’t have time to get into any of this, the right tone. How you say things, you need the right timing. When you say things, you need the right tactic, the way you say it. Because sometimes the issue is not with what you say, it’s how you say it. You can be technically right, but relationally wrong. That’s just like, well, that’s just that’s just the truth. Well, cool. I mean, you can you can say something that’s true and still be wrong. You know that, right? Right?

Look at this, Colossians chapter 4, verse 6.

Let your conversations be always full of grace, seasoned with salt.

What is that? That means appealing, right? Like not off-putting, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. And so we speak the truth as Christians, right? But in love. We speak the truth in love. And so just speaking truth doesn’t mean you’re right. It’s about speaking the truth in love, speaking truth in love. Okay, number one, words are seeds. Number two, words are weapons.

Words are medicine

Number three, this is my last one, words are medicine. So words can wound, but they can also heal. They can tear down, but they can also build up. And again, just this verse, Proverbs 18, verse 21 says this: the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Fruit. And I think usually, like when we read this verse, we read it as like a cautionary tale, right? Like, you know, words can kill, and that’s very true. You can kill people with your words. And that’s true. But but did you notice there’s another side of the coin too? It’s not just death, it’s life and death. And so that means that your words have the power to kill, but your words also have the power to heal. And like, oh my gosh, that’s huge to me. Right? That I can go around being a healer, not just of wounds that I create, but of wounds that other people create. My words can heal.

Proverbs chapter 16, verse 24.

Gracious words are like honeycomb, sweet to the soul. Listen to this. And healing to the bones.

Gracious words, healing to the bones. Did you know that you can heal with your words? And so I think I did you know that you can heal wounds that were created by the devil? And so, like, you can you can be you can be someone who’s fighting the devil by using your words well. By speaking, and so it’s like, man, I’m when I when I go out and I’m saying, man, like, man, I believe in you. It’s amazing. Like, I’m doing spiritual warfare. You might not have thought of it like that, but it’s like I’m fighting against the forces of darkness by using my words to heal.

And so you might be thinking, like, well, I need practical examples because I’m not good with talking. Okay, I’ve got three practical examples on healing words that I think every relationship, you you need to have all three of these. And you certainly need to be capable of saying all three.

I love you

Number one, healing words. Are you ready? I love you. I love you. It’s not just about saying the words, it’s about consistently communicating value to the other person. Right in John chapter one, or first John, excuse me, we read about John says three of the most radical words in the history of the world, and it’s this God is love. He says it twice. God is love in 1 John. So love is who God is, it’s who God has always been, and it’s who he always will be. And so love isn’t just how love isn’t just how God relates to us. God was love before we even existed. And so it’s not something that he does, even though it is something that he does, it’s not just something that he does, it’s who he is.

That’s not true for me and you. So like I can love you, but I’m not love, right? But that’s not true. But God, that’s his essence. If you boil down his essence to the core, what it is is God is love. His essence is summed up in love. There’s something to add to it. So you could think like power. So God has power, and we worship him in his awesome power, and we celebrate his power. But God is not power, God is love. And every other characteristic of him, including his power, is an expression of his love.

And what I’m getting at is it’s it’s that message about God’s love. That’s what transforms hearts. You know, because I don’t know if you think about it, but it’s like, what turns someone who like is super closed off to God? They don’t care about God. They don’t believe in God. They don’t love. They never thought about God. They got no time for any of that. What transforms them into someone who’s like following God with their whole heart? It’s not the threat of hell, believe it or not. As I’ve told you multiple times, there’s nothing spiritual about wanting to avoid pain. You can scare people into like repeating something after you. That’s it’s not a spiritual thing. The thing that transforms people’s lives is getting a revelation of the love of God. Right? Like to for someone to hear that you you exist because you’re wanted. God didn’t need you. You’re here because you’re wanted by Him. And you’re loved by Him. And to tell someone who feels like they’re alone that they’re not alone. Like, like that’s what has the power to change someone’s life.

And so, and so just point here’s my point. I love you is something that we all need to believe. And I love you is something that we all need to hear. And so if you’re like, man, I told them I love them 10 years ago, and if it changes all blah, blah, blah. Look, you’re withholding something that every person needs. Right? And if you want to be, if you want to be someone who represents God on the earth, you know, it says that we’re ambassadors of God here on the planet. If you, if you want to be an ambassador of God and you’re incapable of saying I love you, to the people that you love, you’re a terrible representative. Because that is the transformative message of the gospel that you’re loved, that you’re wanted, that God pursues you. And so you have to be able to say, I love you.

And man, that’s why I got I go, I’m I make people I make it awkward because I say I love you too quick. You know, like I was playing volleyball, a new team, you know, a couple weeks, and then you know, hey, see, and I was like, Yeah, love you. And the guy was like, I was like, sorry, I’ve just yeah, I just say it everywhere I go. I’m just always saying I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Like every every time I leave the house, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Because there’s just something in that I believe is healing to people. I love you. Learn to say it.

I’m sorry

Number two is this, I’m sorry. These might be probably the two hardest words to say in the human language. But without these two words, I’m sorry, most relationships will struggle. Saying you’re sorry is not just about resolving tension, it’s about healing the relationship. When we apologize, we’re not just trying to end an argument, we’re taking responsibility. See, a lot of people, they’ll just say I’m sorry because they just don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry, sorry, dear. Sorry, you know what I mean? It’s like, you know, you’re just trying to end the argument. But for me, one thing that has helped me is to understand that like when I’m saying I’m sorry, it’s not just about resolving some tension, it’s about valuing the relationship and taking the responsibility for when I do something that can get in the way of that.

Sometimes, and sometimes the hardest part isn’t saying I’m sorry, it’s saying it without adding excuses to the end. I’m sorry, but work has been crazy. I’m sorry, but you never listen. I’m sorry, but I’m stressed. A few months ago here at the church, some team members they were working on this big project, and they needed my approval. They needed a number of things from me, and I messed up the timeline. I was careless with my calendar, and I kind of mixed some things. And so they had made all these decisions. They started moving forward because I had said, and you know, they had volunteers, and so I told them I was like, We’re not gonna be able to do it. So they had to they had to cancel with volunteers, they had to do all this kind of stuff because I didn’t, and they were mad. Like they were mad at me. As soon as I could, I I got them in a room and I said, Look, I’m sorry. Like I I’m I’m still learning and I’m still growing. And I dropped the ball on this one, and that’s frustrating to you and not fair to you, and I’m sorry, and I’m asking you to forgive me. Now, look, what I’m the boss, right? So, what could I have said? A whole bunch of stuff. I could have said, you do projects when I tell you to do projects. I could have said, I said, oh, so I’m the only one who drops balls around here, like I’m the only one who messes up time. No, no, it’s about owning your part and like how they respond to your apology is between them and God.

I just feel it, man. Some of you struggle with relationships because you haven’t said sorry for anything in 42 years. It’s like relationships just start to grow cold. Men listen to me. It takes a secure man to say I’m sorry. It takes a secure man, not I’m sorry, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the part that I played. And and I could say, but you know, you were mean too, blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. I’m owning my part, and I’m valuing this relationship. And an apology is worth more than 25 excuses. An apology is worth more than 25 excuses. I’m I love you. I’m sorry.

I’m proud of you

Lastly, number three, and I’m done. I’m proud of you. Hearing I’m proud of you from someone you respect can be words that stay with you forever. Remember a few months ago, I was at Walmart of all places, and I I was shopping and I heard this, I heard from behind me, Pastor David. I’m thinking, oh, here we go. Okay. Some grievance. This guy runs up to me. He’s like, How you doing, man? I was like, great. I have no idea who this guy is. So he’s like, Wow, it’s great to see you. I was like, Yeah, how’s the family? And my gosh. He’s like, good. I’m like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. He said, he said, you have no idea who I am. I was like, no, I’m sorry. I’ve got no idea. Never seen you before in my life. And he said, he said, well, probably like 15 years ago, I I went to YX, that was the youth group. I used to be the youth pastor. I went to your youth group, and I said, Oh my gosh, that’s incredible. And he said, Yeah, you changed my life. I was like, really? And I’m thinking, I was probably because I’m, you know, my incredible sermons. So was it my preaching? Like, no, no, no, no, no. He said, No, he said, no, my he said, I I played bass for a short time in youth group. And I was like, and then I started to remember, I started to recognize, oh, okay, yeah, I I think I remember you. He said, It was my first time ever playing bass. He said, and I got off stage and you pulled me aside, and you said, Hey, you did a great job, and I see big things in your future. He says, That changed my life. He says, because my parents didn’t talk to me like that. And he says, Now now he says, I’m a worship leader in a church in Texas. And I was like, Oh my god, that’s incredible. He says, Yeah, I’m just here visiting family. He says, I’m doing amazing. And I was like, Well, it’s God, thing. He said, No, thank you. I was like, okay. I still didn’t get his name in that whole thing. I still don’t even know. I know what he I don’t know even who I’m talking about. It’s just this guy. I could pick him from a lineup.

Man, I just telling someone you believe in them can make all the difference. You know, we live in a world that is so discouraging in a thousand different ways. You know, people are like out there, they’re trying to trying to do cool things, they’re trying to build things, they’re trying hard, you know, and it’s like, okay, I put out a song. It’s like people show me their music, and I hate it all. I it’s all terrible to me. But man, it’s like people are out there and they’re trying stuff. I don’t know how to listen to cool music anymore, but I’m like, that’s incredible. It’s so amazing, man. I’m so proud of you. Because I’m just every opportunity I get to speak blessing, I just want to do it. You know, so like business owners, man. Anytime I was like, man, it’s so amazing, such an inspiration. People who have been married for a long time, I say, Man, you’re I’m so inspired by you. It’s such an inspiration that you guys would be married for as long and still loving each other. Thank you for putting that example on, you know, teachers. Thank you for putting like everywhere I go, I’m just having the opportunity to say I’m proud of you. And I don’t always say I’m proud of you, but it’s just something to where just I’m I’m affirming that they’re making a contribution that matters. Saying that you believe in someone, that you’re proud of them, that they’re capable, they’re competent, they’re gift. It just has the power to change someone’s life.

And like, of course, if you have kids, like you need to be saying that kind of stuff to your kids. You know, John Eldridge, I always joke that like most authors have three good ideas and write 12 books about them. But his big idea, and is and it was life-changing for me, is one of them is that every boy is asking their father, am I strong? And every girl is asking her parents, am I beautiful? So lame. Sorry. It’s like, man, you just have the ability to speak into that. And maybe you’re like, I don’t have any kids. Well, you can still speak into that. Just know every kid out there is wanting to know it. Miles over here, my gosh, play like incredible little bass player. He’s like way better than most of us. You can clap for him. I don’t know if he’s in here. He probably went to children’s church. But man, you just have you have the ability to speak into people’s lives to bring medicine, like where the enemy came in and destroyed something, right? That you can speak in, and it’s not just parents and children, like when you tell your spouse, like I’m proud of the parent that you are. When you tell your friend, I’m I’m proud of how you handled that situation. When you tell your kid, like, I’m I’m proud of how hard you’re working at school, you’re not just speaking about what they did, you’re speaking about who they are. And it’s not again, it’s not just about saying the words, I’m proud of you. It’s it’s choosing to use your words in a way that affirms people’s value and identity. So do it.

Unexpressed support is not support

And you might be thinking, I’m not really much with taught. You’re gonna have to get over that. You’re gonna you’re gonna have to use this amazing gift, this thing that scripture says it’s been set on fire by hell itself. It’s just trying to make this incredible imagery on how powerful it is. But it can bring incredible destruction, but it can bring healing too. And so you have the ability, and let me just say it like this maybe my last slide unexpressed support is not support. It’s like I’ve always supported my son. Oh, really? How? But just feeling it in your heart, no, like say it. If you if you believe in someone, say it. If there’s something, and some of you are like emotionally constipated, and so it’s like I can’t, I you you you just you struggle to say things like, I love you, I’m sorry, I’m proud of you, but you’re gonna have to get over that because God has given you the power of life and death in your tongue, and like all gifts, listen to me, you’ll give an account for how you used it. I think one of the conversations that God will have with us at the end of is how you chose to use this amazing thing in your mouth to compose words that can tear people down, that can change their whole destiny in a horrible way, or it can be this thing that you use to build people up and change people’s destiny.

Here’s my closing statement. Your words shape every relationship in your life. Words are seeds, the phones pop up. See, it’s so good. Words are seeds. When you consistently speak, what you consistently speak will grow and multiply in your relationships, producing either life or death. Words are weapons, just like a small spark can ignite a forest fire. Your words can impact entire families and futures. Lastly, words are medicine, simple phrases like I love you, I’m sorry, and I’m proud of you can heal wounds and restore.