Relationally: Because People Are Hard

Relationally: Because People Are Hard

Okay, if you have your Bibles, I’d like to invite you to turn with me to Proverbs chapter 18. Proverbs 18. Just like it said in the video, we’re starting a new series today called Relationally. And the subtitle is Because People Are Hard. Because People Are Hard. And I think there’s probably, I was just thinking about the series, and I was thinking there’s probably some people in the room that might feel like relationships really. Isn’t that like a little bit rudimentary? Is that kind of like basic thing to talk about? You know, we kind of like learned that in youth group. And I kind of I understand that because I feel the same way. Like if I’m going onto someone’s sermon archive online and looking at all of their sermons, the relationship series are not something that I usually pick. Because I’m just like, I’m like 43, my relationships are kind of like set, and I learned a lot of that in youth group.

But I want you to know this that part of shepherding, and that’s what being that’s what the word pastor means, is to be a shepherd. Part of being a shepherd is recognizing the thing that’s killing sheep. And addressing it. And so you might feel like you’ve got relationships all figured out, but I can say with confidence, as the person standing on the other side of the counseling desk, that relationships are one of, if not the primary way, that God moves us forward. And relationships are also one of the primary ways the devil steals our purpose and our peace.

Not Everyone Gets a Key

And so, like, you know, I’ve I’ve got my degree in theology, so like I can parse Greek verbs until I’m blue in the face. It don’t bother me. We can do that. But at the end of the day, if like all you know how to do is like really study that and you can’t tell the difference between a healthy relationship and a toxic relationship, then I haven’t done what I’m supposed to do. Because I’m trying to teach you how to live the Jesus way. And one of the primary ways that people get knocked off course from living the Jesus way is not because they don’t know how to parse Greek verbs, which I like. It’s not because they don’t have the right understanding of the book of Revelation, which I like. It’s because they haven’t learned how to manage relationships in a healthy way. You don’t get life right if you get relationships wrong.

I don’t know if this is true for you. This is true for me. Most of the stuff that keeps me up at night has a name. You know what I’m saying? And so, like, and so none of us are passing. So that’s what we’re gonna talk about for the next few weeks. We’re gonna talk about what makes relationships hard, who gets access, how to use your words in a way that help relationships, what to do with offense when offense comes, and being the kind of person that’s actually a good friend to others. Half of the battle is choosing the right people, the other half is being one.

And so our prayer for you this season is that this would be a season, this next season, of better decisions and fewer regrets. Better decisions and fewer regrets. And what I want to talk about today for a few minutes is the idea of access. Access. Who gets in? And so the title, if you’re taking notes this morning, I want you to write this down. Not everyone gets a key. Not everyone gets a key.

And as I was working on this message, I want to just preface it by saying that some of this is gonna feel kind of negative. Some of it’s gonna feel like he’s kind of just being hardy. What can he put like more of a positive spin? And I tried, it just didn’t work. And so I just feel like this is the way that God wanted you to hear this message. So sometimes you come here and you get to eat bubblegum and candy, and other times it’s times to take medicine. And so I’m just gonna warn you that I’ve got some things that for some of you might be really challenging when it comes to the relationships that you have, and some relationships that maybe you’ve even settled for. But I’m hoping that it’s gonna help you make better relational decisions going forward. Are you okay with that? Okay, here we go.

Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 24. It says this one who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I want to start off by showing you a picture of a young man. This is a man by the name of D. Gukesh. So D. Kukesh, he is the current world champion of chess. He is the absolute best in the world at chess. He’s 19 years old. And he became a grandmaster at 12 years old. He got in the top 10 at 17, and then at 18, he became the world’s youngest world champion ever in history at 18. Just by context, Bobby Fisher, he didn’t become a world champion until he was 29. And even at that, it was remarkably young for his age.

And I don’t know, it just I love picturing these young bucks being super good at chess. It just it warms the cockles of the heart to imagine, you know, these grisly old chess masters getting smoked by 12 year olds. I just there’s something I love about that. You know, it’s said that that chess grandmasters, listen to this, can think up to 15 moves ahead. 15 moves ahead, and now there’s a game-playing AI called Alpha Zero. Some of the nerds in here, like me, they know about Alpha Zero. Well, Alpha Zero, he’s an AI that’s designed to learn how to play games. So no games are programmed in him, but he just learns by watching how to play the games.

And so Alpha Zero, he learned how to play chess in four hours, and he can beat every grandmaster now, which is which is crazy. And the reason for that is simple is that he doesn’t make positioning mistakes. I’ve got a point here. He doesn’t make positioning mistakes. And if you think about chess, that’s what chess is. It’s positioning. Everyone starts with the same pieces, everyone has the same moves. The difference between winners and losers when it comes to chess is positioning. Which pieces you put where the key to success is having the right pieces in the right places.

Jesus Treated Everyone Right, But Not Everyone the Same

And I want to submit to you that your life also has a lot to do with who you have where. And the people who live amazing, successful, abundant, fruitful, joy-filled lives, are people who went through the effort of positioning the right people in the right places. And I’ve got three points that I’d like you to write down if you’re taking notes. Is this number one is this Jesus treated everyone right, but not everyone the same. Jesus treated everyone right, but not everyone the same.

Jesus is a clear picture. We’d say he’s a great model or example of relational intelligence. Because you can you can have high IQ, you can you can like be book smarts, but you’re not smart relationally, and that’s a different thing. And Jesus, his life teaches us that everyone is to be loved biblically, valued equally, but treated differently. I’ll go through those real quick. Number one is this loved biblically. So as Christians, as Christ followers, we love without condition. That that’s my commitment to your good and your well-being is not dependent on you treating me right. You can mistreat me, and I’m still committed to your well-being because we love biblically. That’s just always true for everyone.

Second, valued equally. So no matter your age, your gender, your socioeconomic status, your educational level, your political affiliation, your religion, none of that makes you any more or less valuable in the eyes of God. But that we are all valued equally, but treated differently. Because treating everybody right does not mean treating everybody the same. And if you need a good example of this, I’ve got one. It’s this man named Jesus. So Jesus had thousands of followers at the peak. Thousands of people. And he treated those twelve differently than he treated everybody else. And even within that twelve, he had three that he treated different than the other nine. He treated them all right, but he didn’t treat them all the same.

Theologians would call these three Jesus’ inner circle, Peter, James, and John. And there are certain places that Jesus took the three that he didn’t take the twelve. So, like when he went to the Mount of Transfiguration, he didn’t take the twelve. He took the three. When he went to the Garden of Gethsemane, he didn’t take the twelve, he took the three. When he was at his highest, he took his three. When he was at his lowest, he took his three. Because your inner circle can handle you at your best. And your inner three can also handle you at your worst.

And notice this that Jesus didn’t explain himself. He didn’t apologize. He didn’t go to the 12 and say, hey guys, so here’s the thing. I really I’ve got these three, and I really feel like, you know, I just need I need a smaller circle because it’s gonna be kind of hard. He didn’t he didn’t he didn’t he didn’t do that. Right? That sometimes I’m sorry I can’t make it is enough. But and I want to tell you this that for me, David Eifert, 43 years old, I’ve lived this. It’s not like a this is not a theoretical concept for me. Like transitioning, uh it’s probably the wrong word to use. Changing from it’s a tricky world. It’s hard. It’s hard up here. It’s scary up here now, you know.

Changing from the guy who played like rock music downtown to being the lead pastor of this church has required some tough transitions and tough conversations. I there’s some people in this room that knew me in both seasons, and these were people who survived. But I’ll tell you the difference between the people who survived that change with me and the people who didn’t is that they changed too. And so for me, to to do what I’m doing now versus what I did required difficult relational decisions. Friendships had to change. We’re probably not that close, but if we were really close to my, I’ll tell you, I could give you a list of ten people that are cool. I like them. Jesse could tell you. They’re fun, they’re funny. I like these people, but we’re not that close. Why? It’s not personal. It’s not because I don’t like them. But it has to do with who I’m becoming.

And there’s people, not bad people, they just represented a season I left behind. And for me to become who I am called to be now, I had to surround myself with people who would help me be that. Is that making sense? But it’s a it that I I have to treat. I’ve got two friends. And as I change, one of them changes and the other one didn’t. I’m still close to this one, I’m not close to this one. I treat them both right. I think they’re both equally valued in the eyes of God, but I don’t treat them the same because it’s not just about them, it’s about who I’m becoming. And so I’m not just teaching theory, like I’ve lived this, and I and I want to tell you that it’s not easy, but it is necessary. It’s necessary to make those changes.

And your inner circle, those people that are on the inside, they get a different level of access to you. There’s there’s people in here. There’s probably there’s probably seven or eight people in this room. If you’re you know who you are. There’s they have a different level of access to me than other people. That’s just the way that it happened. And and also, let me say this that when when we’re in each other’s inner circle, we have different levels of access. We also have a different level of expectation. Right? Because I I expect higher things of the people I’m close to. Right? So that they can’t be the people who are pulling me down when I need to be lifted up. A different level of expectation and a different level of investment.

I invest in my close relationships in a way I don’t invest in farther relationships. They these are people who have access to the intimate places on the inside of me. I I share confidential info with these people that I don’t share with anybody else. You owe everybody love, but you don’t owe everybody access. You owe everybody love, but you don’t owe everybody access. And you might be thinking, like, that’s kind of obvious. Well, then don’t call me next week to do counseling because you forgot that I said that. You don’t have to share everything about yourself. Like, write write this down. This is I got it on the screen. Love is freely given, access must be earned. Love is freely given, access must be earned.

And you’d be amazed at how many people are more guarded with their house than they are with their heart. Like we’ve got we’ve got all it says in scripture guard your heart with all diligence. Guard your heart with all, and we’ve got like passwords on everything, right? So your phone, you got face ID, your Netflix, you got the passcode, you know, Wi-Fi is like 47 characters long. I come over to your house, it’s like, hey, what’s the Wi-Fi? And you’re like, let me get the paper. You know what I mean? But it’s like we we got everything like locked down, but then someone comes up, you barely even know them. It’s like, how are you really doing? And you’re like, well, it all started in 1985. It’s like guard your heart. At least guard your heart as much as you guard your Netflix.

Like you know what I’m saying? Be authentic with everybody, but be transparent with people you trust. Be authentic with everybody, be transparent with people you trust. And most people, for me, I’d say that most people who know me know me as a preacher. And that’s great. So I’ve got lots of people like that. Then there’s some people that are a little bit closer. I’ve got probably I don’t know, a hundred people that I would consider like these people have a higher level of access to me. They’ve got my phone, they’ve got my phone number, they reach out to me anytime. You know, and then and then even within that, I’ve got five people, seven people, six, seven out, something like that, that know every issue, struggle, fear, anxiety, sleepless night.

And so so I’m not guarded, I’m not fake with those other people. It’s just it’s how it’s supposed to work, because not everybody needs access to everything. And so you just gotta you just gotta learn to like live like this, that that there’s parts of you that certain people can’t handle or won’t handle well. Right? So, like, so like if you’re having trouble with your wife and you work at FedEx, and you go and you just start talking to your friends about your issue with your wife at FedEx, that might be stupid. You know why? Because because they’re not mature enough to handle that responsibility that you’re giving them. So, so not everybody gets a key. You treat everyone well. You love everyone, but you’re deliberate. Am I right, Pastor Shirley? You’re deliberate on who gets access to certain parts of your life.

Not Everyone Who Is Good to You Is Good for You

So that’s number one. Jesus treated everyone right, but not everyone the same. Number two, if you’re taking notes, not everyone who is good to you is good for you. I told you, I told you it’s medicine. Not everyone who is good to you is good for you. I’ve got a couple verses that I want to read to you from the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs chapter 13, verse 20 says this. Walk with the wise and become wise. For a companion of fools suffers harm.

A companion of fools. And what strikes me about this verse every time I read it is it’s not just about being foolish. It’s also about being a companion to fools. So it’s not just about what you do, it’s about who you’re around when they do the things that they do. A companion to fools suffers harm. And Solomon is basically saying this that we evolve into who we’re around. And this is one of those messages that it bugs me that this is so prominent in youth ministry and so absent in teaching to adults. This is still true for you.

Like, if you if you could think right now, think through like who are your five closest people in your life. Listen to me. That’s a mirror. That’s who you’re becoming. When you’re born, you look like your parents. When you die, you look like your decisions. And one of the primary decisions that you make that’s going to control how you look in this life is the people you choose to surround yourself with.

Proverbs chapter 27, verse 17. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. It’s interesting in the English language that that word sharp can mean a couple of different things. On one hand, it can mean like you’re smart and clever. So that so that uh that uh that chess guy, right? He’s sharp. And so if you come if you hung around him, you might also become slightly more sharp in a good way. But sharp can also mean like unmerciful and careless with your words, right? So if you’re being sharp with me, what that means is you’re being unmerciful. And I would say that this verse applies to both. So, like if you hang around sharp people, you’re likely to become more sharp. But if you hang around sharp people, this is not gonna transcribe well to audio only. Uh because I’m pointing to stuff they won’t know. If sharp people, you’ll become sharp. Sharp people, you’ll become sharp.

And so that so you get to decide the type of person that you want to be, and then you orient your life around those people. And so, like, so that’s why for me, like, this is gonna sound mean. I don’t mean it to sound mean, but like, if I don’t like how you talk, we’re not that close. You and me personally. Like, I still love you, I’ll still give you a hug, I’ll still I’ll still pray for you. But like if I don’t like how you talk, like I don’t spend that much time with you. Why? Because your words will become my words. And at where I’m at and where I believe God’s calling me, I can’t afford that. I can’t be sloppy with my words the way that some of y’all are sloppy with your words. I can’t complain the way some of y’all complain. Because because because I’ve got all kinds of battles. We all have battles. And I know that for me, in order to thrive in my battle, I have to talk right. And so who am I going to surround myself with? I’m going to surround myself with people who talk like how I want to talk.

And so I could show you a list of the people that are close in my life, and these are all people that I admire and respect in different ways. We all got weaknesses, we all got shortcomings. I’m not saying that. But I’m saying that the more I hang around the people I choose, the better I become. Not the worse I become. Look at this.

Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.

Do not be misled. And that’s what’s scary. It starts with do not be misled. In order, in other words, it’s possible to be unaware of the impact a relationship is having on you. Right? And some people think like, you know, it’s like, well, I’m so good to them, I think eventually someday they’re gonna be good to me too. Doesn’t work like that. Pastor Shirley could tell you their goodness is not based on your character, their goodness is based on their character. Right? And it doesn’t matter how much you wash somebody’s feet if they’ve already decided who they’re gonna be. Like it’s it’s brutal. Because some of y’all are like, I’m sitting right next to them. Raise the man.

The scripture says that we’ll know a tree by its fruit. You’ll know a tree by its fruit. You’re not judging the tree, you’re discerning its fruit. And relationships are the same way. You’ll know the quality of the relationship by the fruit. When you hang out with them, you’re more what? Oh, you got those friends. I’m not really that right around that. Yeah, cool, cool. Well, then you don’t have to come to me asking about what to do with that relationship. If if it if it produces in them and it produces in you something that you don’t want to be, something that’s not true to who you’re called to be, well, then it’s not a relationship that’s worth pursuing.

And also let me say this that fruit inspection in trees, it must be done seasonally. Right? Because some trees, some trees produce fruit for a while and then they stop. Every season you gotta go to the tree and say, is this still bearing fruit? Just because a relationship produced good fruit fruit last season doesn’t mean it’s gonna produce good fruit this season. Sometimes people are fine for where you were, but they’re not fine for where you’re going. Brutal. I’m talking to myself.

Like there’s there’s tons of examples of that in scripture. Let me read you one.

1 Samuel chapter 16. The story of David in the Bible, if you don’t know it, is probably the most vivid character study in all of the Old Testament. This is amazing man David, and goes through all these transformations. And 1 Samuel chapter 16, look at what happens. David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul’s the king. Saul liked David very much, and David became one of his armor bearers. Then Saul sent word to Jesse that’s that’s David’s dad. David’s a kid. He says, Allow David to remain in my service, for I am pleased with him. Remain in my service.

So don’t miss this. Saul liked David very much, so much so that he sent word to his dad for David to come live into the palace. That’s 1 Samuel chapter 16. You’re gonna have to do a tiny bit of math here. Are you ready? 1 Samuel 16. Now we’re gonna jump two chapters. 1 Samuel chapter 18. Okay, for some of y’all, it’s on the same page of your Bible. Right, so this is not far. This is this is like the the next day practically in Bible term.

1 Samuel chapter 18. Saul was very angry. This refrain displeased him greatly. They have credited David with tens of thousands, he thought, but me only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom? And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. The next day an evil spirit from God came forcefully on Saul. Saul had a spear in his hand and hurled it, saying to himself, I will pin David to the wall.

So it’s just like, how did we go from like, hey, let’s be friends and have a sleepover? To like, I’m gonna impale this guy with a stick and pin him to the wall. Again, chapter 16 and chapter 18. Are you with me? So here’s the question. What happened between chapter 16 and chapter 18? Chapter 17. That’s what happened. And what happened in chapter 17? Y’all probably know this. David defeated Goliath. So something something changed. And so all of a sudden, David, his influence grows. His popularity grows.

And so Saul was cool with David, so long as Saul could be number one and David could be number two. As long as that’s where it was, he was cool. He was happy. He’s like, oh, look at David, he’s my friend. He’s so cute. Look at it. He’s so cute and he’s so cute and little. But then David starts getting more popular. And now they’re writing songs about how David is greater than Saul. Right? And so David all of a sudden finds himself in a new season of life. You understand what I’m saying? Right? And so he had a relationship that worked when he was little Shepherd David. But that relationship was not going to work when David enters a new season of life. And the fruit of the relationship changes.

And we we can we can see that in our own relationships too, right? That it’s like in one season of life, people are fine with you, but now all of a sudden maybe you’re taking your relationship with God seriously. You’re cleaning up your language, you don’t do the things that you used to do, and now all of a sudden they got a problem. Right? And then it’s like, and it’s like, oh, I see your little job, I see your little small group, like whatever they’re saying, like little before anything. But but you’ve got to be able to tell the difference between people who are good to you and good for you. It’s not always the same people. And it changes season to season.

I’ve got um, I had a friend years ago that was in a bad relationship, just bad. He had a girlfriend, she was bad. She was mean to him, she was mean to his family, you know. She like yelled, and by the grace of God, they broke up. We all praised God for it. And I was hanging out with him one time later, and and he seemed like kind of bummed, and so I said, What’s up? And he he said, He said, I don’t know, sometimes I still miss her. And I’m like, Oh, like her? Like her, like the the girl that screamed at him at you in front of your friends, the one that was mean to your mom, like you miss her. And he’s like, Yeah, I know I know she was she was she was crazy. He this is what he said. He said, I know she was crazy, but she had a pool. I’m like, bro, you can buy a pool. You can join a gym, like you go to a hotel, you’ve got you’ve got options.

But but you gotta get clear on on who’s just who’s just nice to be around and who’s actually good for you. Who helps you become who you want to be? Some of y’all maybe can’t even get past like who you want to be. You don’t even know. And so so you can’t even tell if someone’s helping you get there. But if you get clear, if you like actually have vision for your life, purpose in your life, clarity about who you want to be. And it always, by the way, the who always precedes the what. Right? So some of y’all, your vision is to like just start following God better. It’s perfect. Like you don’t you doesn’t have to be like a number, it doesn’t have to be a career, but you have a vision for something. That’s what a vision is a picture of God’s preferred future. It’s it’s it’s what he prefers to happen. That’s what a vision is.

But but but God’s preferred future for you doesn’t happen without your participation. And so you have a vision for your life, and you’ve got to get clear like who is it that’s gonna help me get to where I am? And you’ve got to make the distinction. So number one, Jesus treated everyone right, but not everyone the same. Two, not everyone who is good to you is good for you.

Guard Your Circle to Protect Your Calling

Lastly, number three, guard your circle to protect your calling. Guard your circle to protect your calling. I’m gonna read it one more time.

Proverbs chapter 4, verse 23. Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Everything you do flows from it. And so it’s not just about avoiding pain, it’s about pursuing purpose. I don’t want to show you, show you this.

Genesis chapter 13. Cool story with Abram and his conversion into Abraham. Y’all probably know it. Look at this, verse 8. So Abram said to Lot, let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right. And if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.

So to understand this, you’ve got to go back to Genesis chapter 12. God gives a vision to Abram, a preferred future. And he says to Abram, he says, He says, I’ll make you a great nation. I’m gonna bless you, I’m gonna make your name great. You will be a blessing. But God says, in order for me to do something that I’ve never done, you’re gonna have to become someone you’ve never been. And so, and so he changes his name because it’s not just a job title, it’s about who he is. He says, If we’re gonna do this, you’re gonna have to be a new person.

That’s been true for my life. Like at a certain point, you know, my conversation with God is hey, David, if we’re gonna do this, you’ve got to become a different person. And that’s what’s happening here for Abram, so much so that God changes his name from Abram to Abraham because what God wanted to do in Abram, Abram wasn’t enough. He had to become Abraham. And so Abraham, he sets out, and it says this, and he took Lot with him. And Lot went with him. You’re thinking, what does that mean? Well, Lot is his nephew. And so it’s just interesting to note that God comes and tells Abram, here’s where I want you to go. And your name is Abraham, and he says, right on, Lot, you ready? And he brings Lot with him. And God, nowhere in Scripture does God tell him to take Lot. No, nowhere. But it was just, I think if you read the story, it’s reasonable to assume that God prefer Abraham not take Lot.

Because it was, but the change was so fundamental with Abram that there was a certain comfort to bringing someone from his past into his future, even though he didn’t belong there. And so God comes and he does exactly what he said. He becomes wealthy, he becomes influential, so much so that the people close to Abraham get the overflow. So Lot becomes wealthy too, and they become so wealthy that the land becomes too small for their herds. And so there’s like this civil unrest happening. We don’t know anything about civil unrests around here, do we? There’s civil unrest between Abraham’s people and Lot’s people, and there’s a this rising tension.

And I I just picture Abram, Abraham like sitting there thinking, like, God, I don’t think I was supposed to bring Lot. It’s like, yeah. And Abraham starts noticing something, and it’s this that his relationship with Lot starts changing. And that’s what happens when you bring Lot farther along than he’s supposed to go. Like when you hold on to that relationship because it’s comfortable, because you’ve already invested 10 years of your life in those people, and you bring them far eventually. What happens if you’re really pursuing God is the relationship starts to change. And Lot, Lot wasn’t good. Lot was good for Abram, but Lot wasn’t good for Abraham.

Some relationships, I don’t know if you know this, some relationships are at their best when you’re at your worst. You hear that? And for that relationship to stay good, you have to be short, shy, less than what God has called you to do. So Abraham has the courage, though, to do what a lot of people don’t do. He pushes through the awkward and he goes to Lot and he says, like, hey, our relationship has changed. And if we’re gonna have any kind of relationship at all, we’re gonna need some distance.

And I used to think, like, Abraham, that’s so rude. That’s messed up. Like you’re just being rude to your nephew. He’s just learning. He could be your little, he could be your little protege. Like, why are you why are you kicking him out? But like, as I’ve grown, I’ve changed. I don’t think, I don’t think Abraham was creating distance with Lot. He was acknowledging distance that had already been growing in them. You know, and Abraham acknowledged, like, this ain’t what it used to be. And I’m done treating that this relationship like something that it that it’s not. Because it’s changed. And so even though we’re close relatives, we’re not that close.

I don’t know if you know this. Just because people have your same last name doesn’t mean you have to be close to them. Doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be close to them. Right? Doesn’t mean the people that share your same last name are the people that God has for you in this season. Right? My mom’s probably in here thinking, like, is he talking about? I’m not talking to you, mom. But Abraham, he goes and he tells his, he tells his nephew, hey, look, look, we’re not that close. So you get to pick. You get to pick. You go either way. All I know is that whichever way you’re going, I’m not going. So you pick one way. He didn’t mess up the relationship. He acknowledged what was already happening.

You can’t become a new person without new influences. Am I telling the truth? Like you can’t. I see this all the time. People come and they’re on fire for God. Oh my God, church, Jesus is so incredible. Blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s like, cool. Fast forward four months, they’re back to where they were. Why? Because they lacked the courage to cut off toxic relationships. You may be thinking, yeah, the kids do that a lot. Yeah, kids do that a lot. And grown ups do that a lot too. It’s hard. You can’t become a new person without new influences, new influences because you’re going to shrink to the smallness of your circle.

And like sometimes that call to pull back isn’t necessarily from bad people. It’s from good people who just represent a season that you’ve outgrown. Because God’s calling you to something. It doesn’t mean they’re evil people. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people. You just have to be deliberate on who is going to help you get to the place that God has for you.

I a few years back, I told this story in youth this past Tuesday. So plug yours for a minute. I went to the launch pad a few years back. My friend was playing a show, and because we used to play, me and Jesse and these guys, we used to play downtown, we kind of like know some of these guys. We’re all older and fatter and more gray hair, but we’re still some of those guys are still rocking it down there. It’s like, cool man. But I was down there and I was talking to a guy, and and he he knows I’m a pastor now, blah blah. And he said, he said, I don’t know. He says, he said this. I just I just thought when when you were playing me, he just said, I just thought you were gonna do something huge. That’s what he said.

And look, I don’t think he was trying to be mean. You know what I mean? Like he didn’t even understand what what he was saying. He’s not he’s not a bad person. He just represented a season that I had outgrown. And he wasn’t trying to pull me backwards, he just couldn’t see me as anything other than the kid who plays music downtown, you know, on Friday nights. He he just couldn’t see it. And and a lot of people, they don’t have the courage to do what Abraham did. And they don’t acknowledge positional errors, they just ignore them and hope that they’re an exception to them becoming like those people. It’s never true.

And so so I know this is this sermon I feel like is a downer. Making those decisions, because here’s the here’s the flip side that when you surround yourself by the right people, the right things happen. It just does. Right? That that when I am deliberate, and and let me say this. Being friends with good people is almost always more work than being friends with bad people. Why? Because bad people, they’re they’re always available to hang out. It’s like, well, yeah, it’s because they’re not working. You know what I’m saying? They got all kinds of time because they’re not doing it. Like the people that you want to surround yourself with are probably busy.

And so like I I got I got some people in my life. I got some mentors, you know, Art Kaplan, he’s a mentor of mine. Very busy. Travels a lot, right? So my relationship with art would be more work than me having a friendship with my neighbor who’s just always sitting on his porch. But I’m clear on what kinds of relationships are going to propel me forward. And I go through the work because I because I believe that as God pulls me forward, he’s gonna bring the right influences in. You know? But but a lot of people they’re they’re so crowded. I think I think culture tells you you need like a whole lot of friends. You don’t need that many close friends. You need four. You know what I mean? That’s fine. You need three. That’s great.

But but investing in those meaningful relationships, instead of just like being a general person who just goes, it’s like, well, we work together, our cubicles are right next to each other. It’s like, that’s cool, but I’m not just not sure that that’s gonna help you get to where you’re supposed to be. And it’s uncomfortable admitting like like we’re not that close. You were fine for me when I was Abram, but you’re not fine for me now that I’m Abraham.

Okay, so so practically, what does this look like? I I made two little slides that I want you to write down and you can take a picture of. I know that’s how people do it now. Number one is this: do for some what you wish you could do for all. Do for some what you wish you could do for all. Some of y’all are like, I wish I could send a text to everybody in the world saying that I love them. That’d be my mom. I wish I could do that. I just want everyone to know that, and it’s like, you can’t do that. But can you text three people this week that you love them? You bet.

And maybe some of y’all are like, I wish I could make a meal for everyone in Albuquerque. It’s like that’s cool. You can’t. That would cost you all your money. Right? But but can but can you invite some people over? You know, like invite some close friends over? Of course you can. So just you have to be, you have to be at peace. This is my next slide. Not every need is my responsibility. Not every need is my responsibility. You know, you can only adopt so many cats and dogs before you’re sleeping on the floor. Like, and and you’ve got to be at peace.

I’ve I’ve had to learn this the hard way. This is hard because I’m a very empathetic person. You know me. You probably, if if this is our first introduction, you’re like, no, you’re not. I actually am. I’m very empathetic. I’ve a very I’ve got big feelings for people. I do. I do, but but God has worked on this in me. He’s gonna have to work on that in you if he hasn’t. You’re gonna have to learn to be at peace with what you can do and at peace with what you can’t do. You just got to. Because you’re not gonna be able to solve every problem.

You know, I used to um back in the day, I used to go, I’d get $300 in ones at the bank. The bank loved me. No, no. So I would go and I would get three dollars and I would put a paper clip in the three dollars, and I’d have a hundred of these in my glove box. Don’t break it in my car, I don’t do this anymore. But I had that, and so I was trying to use that scripture of like give freely to all who asked. Give freely to all. Here’s the problem. Like now, Albuquerque, you’ve burned through your 300 bucks in a day and a half. Like you’d need a full-time job to do that. And so for me, I’m at peace. I do things I’ve got, I’ve got this me. I’ve got homeless people and I know their name and I know their order, and I know where they hang out. This is me. And so and so I’m I’m always looking to care for those people, but then there’s other people, and I’m like, God assign people to those people too. But I but I can’t take care of everybody.

And so I’m at peace, and not every responsibility, every not every need is something that’s called to me. Right? And so I’m at peace with what I can do and what I can’t do. And you have to be intentional. What does that have to do with relationships? You have to be intentional because if you’re not, the people who mean the most to you are gonna get the least from you. I see this all the time. Where it’s like, oh, I really love my son. Oh, cool. How much time do you spend at home? Oh, almost none? It’s like you’re blowing it. You have to be clear on the relationships that God has called you to in this season and pour into them.

You know, it’s like I’m a very important person. Busy person. Sorry, not important. I’m a very busy person. I am, I’m a very busy person. I’m my texts are bad. My what these people know I’m not good at writing text. Like the number is too high, and I’m not good at writing back. But like, if my daughter needs me for 10 minutes this past weekend, we built um a cardboard house for the guinea pigs. I came into the house after a long day of work, and she’s like, Dad, here’s what we’re doing. We’re making a cardboard. I don’t know, she must have saw a video. It’s like, you bet, let me change my clothes. Boom, boom, boom. I got all kinds of my phone’s blowing up, it’s fine. Right? But I’m intentional about the relationships that God has called me to.

And so you just gotta think through that. Think through who has God called me to minister to right now? Who has God called me to walk alongside right now? And I and I’m not gonna let every need, every every person that wants my attention. This is true for me, it’s true for you too. Not everybody who just who just wants things of me get to take precedence over my own children. In fact, none of them do. And so and so I’m clear on that.

And I want to I want to tell you, I’m I’m totally done. It’s worth the effort to position people in your life correctly. Not to judge them, but to place them so that your peace and your development and your purpose thrive through having the right people in the right places in your life. Here’s my closing statement. Not everyone gets a key to your life, and that’s not unkind. It’s wisdom. Jesus treated everyone right, but not everyone the same. He loved the crowds, invested in the twelve, and confided in the three. Access was intentional. Two, not everyone who is good to you is good for you. Kind people can still pull you off course. Kindness and access are not the same thing. Three, guard your circle to protect your calling. The wrong people in the wrong seats will cost you peace and delay your purpose. Choose wisely who gets close. Can I get a good amen for that? Amen.