Is Masculinity Toxic?

Week Three of Hot Potatoes

And this is week three. I’m not going to talk for a long time, I hope, this morning. Week three of a series that we’ve entitled Hot Potatoes. And if you’re curious what a hot potato is, is it just something that’s hot that you don’t want to hold on to for very long, so you want to pass it off? And what we’re doing in the summer series is we’re talking about different issues and questions society has towards the church and examining the questions through the lens of scripture.

In week one, if you were here, we answered the question, why are Christians so judgmental? And we talked about how Christians have to, have to, have to, have to embrace absolute truth. Our whole faith is based on the idea of absolute truth. However, we know that Jesus teaches us that grace needs truth and truth needs grace. And then in week number two, we talked about how can you trust a 2,000-year-old book? And how we talked about then we talked about how Jesus, if we’re followers of Jesus, we let Jesus teach us how to handle Scripture. And we handle Scripture as sacred, we treat Scripture as sacred because he treated Scripture as sacred.

Is Masculinity Toxic?

And so for week three, week three, which is today, which is Father’s Day, we thought, being that it’s Father’s Day, we wanted to answer this question. Is masculinity toxic? And I know some of you, some of the amazing strong men in the room are already starting to tighten up, so I’m just gonna give you the answer. No, masculinity is not toxic. In fact, I’ll say healthy masculinity. Healthy masculinity is a gift from God. Masculinity is one facet of the character of God.

It’s not only men who display the character of God, but men for sure have a very particular aspect, the masculine part of God that we put on display in a way that women don’t. And so we want to say, on behalf of me and Pastor Marshall, Pastor Cindy, Pastor George, all of the pastors in the room, we want to say to the men that you are important to the church of Jesus Christ. Don’t listen to me. Don’t let society trick you into thinking that you don’t matter. You’re important. You’re more than important, you’re necessary.

When men get better, families get better. And when men get better, churches get better. And when men get better, cities get better. God didn’t accidentally make you a man. He has given you specific and unique strengths as a man that he expects you to use. But listen to me, he expects you to use them to make the world a better place. Not to serve yourself, but to serve God and serve other people.

Learning to Use Masculinity

So no, masculinity is not toxic, but like all gifts from God, we have to learn how to use our masculinity in a way that honors God. Pastor Marshall has taught us this for 45 years now that any strength can also become a weakness. Did you know that? Anything that’s just like compassion. I mean, we all need compassion, right? Can compassion become toxic and turn into a weakness? You bet. Can compassion actually harm where you’re trying to hurt? You bet.

And can femininity, it’s a lot of syllables. Who made that word? Femininity, right? Beautiful gift from God. Can it become toxic? You bet. Right? And so I want to start off by acknowledging that some of the critiques of toxic men are for sure valid. Don’t leave. Alright, there are men who are toxic. Right? There are men who are toxic to themselves, toxic to females, toxic to their families, toxic to their children. So toxic men do exist.

But can I tell you something? You don’t have to be masculine to be toxic. There’s lots of toxic females. Right? There’s lots of effeminate, which is not masculine men that are also toxic. And so here’s probably here’s my big idea for the morning. It’s probably the most important thing I’ll say all morning. I’d like you to write this down if you’re taking notes. God’s call isn’t for men to become more like women. God’s call is for men to become more like Christ.

Worldly Masculinity vs. Christ-like Manhood

So the world’s not telling you to be more like a girl, right? Well, excuse me, the world is for sure telling you to be more like a girl. The church, hopefully, is not telling you to be more like a girl, but the church is calling you and pushing you to express your masculinity in a way that reflects Christ. And I’m gonna throughout the morning, I’m gonna talk about Christ-like manhood specifically. I’m not gonna say much about biblical manhood.

Because I don’t know if you know this. There’s only three perfect characters in the Bible God the Father, God the Son, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Everyone else is a mixture of both good and bad. So you can’t just like look at King David and say, like, oh great. Well, I get to be like him. Well, maybe you do and maybe you don’t, right? Like you need to look to Jesus to and aspire to him. And only only in the degree that the people, the great manly men of scripture reflect Christ, are they worthy of being modeled.

So, like King David’s, for example, I mean, cool guy, great king, man after God’s heart, but also committed adultery. Also had a guy killed. Moses, great leader, also murderer. Jacob, father of the 12 tribes, is like the king dad, right? Jacob, he’s like the king dad, also a deceiver and a schemer. And the principles and examples are for sure there in a lot of these different men, but we’re able to follow them only when they reflect Christ.

Principles for Everyone

And I just want to do a quick qualifier before we get into the points, because I’m hoping that the women aren’t gonna check out here. Y’all are putting your airpods in right now. I can tend. Um we’re talking about manhood today. I’ve never talked about manhood, so don’t think we overemphasize it here. I’ve preached like 700 sermons, I’ve never preached on manhood one time, right? So, but but I want you to know this that um the principles that we’re gonna talk about apply to everyone because men are called to be more like Christ, but we’re all called to be more like Christ.

And so there’s a few times uh for the morning I’m gonna be addressing men specifically and even fathers specifically, but we just want you to know that the principles apply to everybody. And so no matter who you are, we believe this, you’re not here by accident, right? God wants to show you something that he can apply and you can apply in your life, whoever you are and wherever you’re at. Okay, so are you ready?

Power Out of Control vs. Power Under Control

Okay, so is masculinity toxic? No, but it can be. And it doesn’t have to be, though, and it’s not designed to be. And this morning, what I want to do is I’m wanting to contrast what I’m calling worldly masculinity, that means masculinity apart from God, worldly masculinity and Christ-like manhood. And I’ve got three distinctions. If you’re taking notes, I want you to write these down. Number one, worldly masculinity is power out of control. Power out of control.

So you have power. Hear me, man, you have power, but it’s not in control. It’s like a man that says, you know, sometimes I lose my temper and I do things I don’t mean to do. It’s like, right, exactly. Right. So you’ve got power, but you’ve lost control of the power. It’s like owning a gun. You’ve got the power, but you don’t know how to handle a gun safely. And so, man, I don’t know if you know this, but God made you powerful. He made you powerful.

And like I don’t want to like quote Uncle Ben from uh not the not the rice guy, but from Spider-Man. Remember what he said? With great power comes great responsibility. And the vast majority of men, not all, the vast majority of men are gonna be physically stronger than their female counterpart. So be that their wife, be that their girlfriend, God made you, listen to me, man, physically stronger. He made you physically stronger, physically bigger. He made your voice physically more powerful. And that amazing power can become harmful when it’s not paired with control.

Right? So when power gets out of control, it harms people. So it’s like hit me with some examples. Yeah, yeah. So like a man who uses his physical size to intimidate his wife. Right? You’re powerful, but your power is not in control. It’s the boss who screams at his employees. Why? Because he can. Right? Because he’s got the power. It’s a dad who rules his house through fear instead of love. It’s the kind of masculinity that says, I’m bigger, I’m stronger, I make more money, and so you have to do what I say. Worldly masculinity is about power, but it’s power that’s out of control.

Okay, worldly masculinity, power out of control. Christlike manhood is this power under control. Power out of control, power under control. So the Jesus way is not having less power. But it’s it’s having power that’s under control. Power under control. Some of y’all know the fruits of the spirit, Galatians 5 22. Anybody know it? But the fruits of the Spirit are what? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. That’s the NIV right there, you’re quoting. The King James says, long suffering and temperance, I think. But but love joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

What’s that word gentleness? Gentleness means power under control. Hear that? Power under control. So like I’ve got a I’ve got a seven year old daughter named Grace. Probably like most seven year olds, she likes to wrestle. Right? And like between you and me, don’t tell her I said this, but like I could defeat her in wrestling. You know what I mean? Like a couple solid body slams. She’d be run off crying to her mommy. Right? So see, I I have the power. Right? And so when I’m wrestling my seven-year old daughter, I have more power than her. But when I wrestle her, I wrestle gently. Gently. Right? So I still have power, but my power is under control.

So listen, I don’t know who this is for, some man. I don’t take every shot I could take. You know what I mean? Like, I’m I’m talking to my wife, and I think of some clever comeback. I don’t take every shot I could take. Why? Because I have power, but my power is under control. Gentleness is power under control. Contrast that with someone like, let’s say a five-year-old boy or girl who’s throwing a temper tantrum. What is a temper tantrum? Well, a temper tantrum is where somebody is exerting all the power they possibly can. You know what I mean? So they’re screaming and they’re throwing their body. Like my daughter did this this past week. Convulsing, arching her back, you know, it’s like an exorcist situation. If she could walk, she probably would. So it’s like they’re using every bit of power they have. They’re exerting all the power, every way that they can be more powerful. They’re just going for it.

Luckily, when you’re five, you don’t have that much power. And so you can use all of your power when you’re five, and you don’t usually hurt anything. Right? But but then fast forward 30 years, and you’re a grown man and you are infinitely more powerful than you are than you than you were when you were five. And like the fact that you’re not in jail right now proves that you have some sort of control over the power that you have. And so that’s the idea: that the control that you have over the power is the thing that stops your power from hurting you and hurting the people around you.

And so you have to, I’m talking to men just for a minute. You have to learn to restrain your power. Right? You you don’t take every shot, right? So sometimes some situations call for you to not be powerful. Like I am, I I weigh almost twice what like I weigh a lot more than my wife. You know what I mean? But like, imagine we’re arguing, and what if I stood up and I got real close? You like I I don’t I don’t use all the power I have, right? Because I’m I’m gentle. It’s not about being weak, it’s about having power, but having power under control.

And so, like, fathers, like this is Father’s Day, so so I want to be nice, but I I do want to say this that like if you are a husband in here and you use your physical size to intimidate your wife, today is the day for you to repent. Because a time is coming when you’re gonna be confronted with a power that’s greater than you. Right, and on judgment day, you’re gonna have no choice but to bow before the king of kings and the Lord of Lords, a power much greater than you, and you’re gonna give an answer for how you treated his daughter. Right? So you gotta get your power under control. So you get up out of her face, you you get your hands off of her, men, right? And you treat her as your equal. Power under control. It’s not about being weak, it’s about having control.

Matthew chapter 26. Uh, Jesus, there’s this cool story, he’s arrested, and Peter draws out this sword. He’s like, Oh, I’m gonna fight this corrupt government, I’m gonna chop people up. And Jesus looks at Peter and he says, Put it away. And look at what he says, verse 53. Do you think I cannot call on my father? And he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels.

If you don’t know, in the Roman military, a legion is like about 6,000 soldiers. So he’s saying, I could call 72,000 angels. So I don’t know if there’s like 10 guys. You know, Jesus is saying, I could call right now 72,000 angels if I wanted. But see, Jesus, he doesn’t use all the power he has. He’s saying, I could use power like that, Peter. I don’t need you defending me. I could use power if I wanted to, but he chooses not to. And there are times, of course, that he can and he does.

And I think I I don’t know if this is a qualifier, but I want to tell them I think it’s important for us to be able to fight a battle. Right? Please see my previous series called I’m a Fighter. I believe in fighting. But but you have to, but you have to be clear on who the enemy is and what the battle is. And so, but if but if you have this power that just shooting, and like, and your family’s just constantly victims of the power that you have that you don’t control, like that’s a time for you to change.

Jesus can and he does use his power, but he doesn’t use his power to dominate, he uses his power to protect.

John chapter 13, verse 3 says this. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God. So he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet.

If you zoned out in those three verses, here’s what happened. Jesus knew that the Father had given all things to him, like he has all power for all things under Jesus’ power. And what does Jesus immediately do with that power? He gets on his knees and washes dirty feet. Right? He said, I I he’s been given all power. And the very next verse, what he does is he gets down on his hands and knees to wash people’s feet. The Son of God uses his power to serve. And God has given you incredible power. And so use that power for good.

I was thinking some examples. You’re probably, again, not always, you’re probably physically stronger than your wife. So use that power to protect her, not intimidate her. Right? Like you carry the heavy stuff. Right? All of it. You carry the groceries, you carry the suitcases, you carry the toddler whose legs suddenly stop working. Yeah, like we’re hitting a plane here a little bit after service, and so I see in my future a lot of seven-year-old carrying. Right? But but like I’m you, I use my strength for service. I don’t use my strength to intimidate to get what I want, right? I use my strength for service. Strength is for service.

You men, you’re the official jar openers. So you know she fights with the pickles for five minutes, you come up, pop, one second. It’s like a superpower. Use your powers for good. You check on the weird noises downstairs at 2 a.m. Like she hears something downstairs, you don’t say, like, oh, well, you’re strong and independent. Like you go check. No, you go check. Right? You go get the flashlight and see what the noise is, even if it’s just the cat. Make her feel safe.

This is this is this is for the husbands, real quick. You are her defender, not her intimidator. Your job is to make her feel more safe, not less safe. That’ve got a great power, but worldly power, and I’m not pausing to let you clap, I know. I you’ve got a great power, and that’s a beautiful gift. Use that gift for good. Like walk her to the car when it’s dark, right? You carry the spider outside instead of making her deal with it.

Maybe a dad, okay, a dad. Like use your authority to guide and protect your kids, not dominate and intimidate them. Like when you have a three-year-old and they have a meltdown, hear me, dad. You’re not allowed to have one, too. Right? Stay calm. No, it’s perfect. I’m not perfect. I’m not perfect. But but we have power, but we keep it under control.

If you’re the boss, use that position to lift your employees up, not push them down. Right? Serve other people. Not to make yourself look great, but to serve other people and point people to God. We’ve got a great staff here at the church. Like so cool. Um I think 15 people, 14, a part-time, something like that. Great, and it’s such a privilege to lead these people. And I would hope, maybe they wouldn’t all say this, but I would think the majority of them, if you were to ask them about me, that they would say that I use my strength not to tear them down. Could I? Yeah. Not not to make me look tough and cool, but to build up and encourage and help.

And that doesn’t mean I don’t correct when I need to correct. I do, but even then my power is under control. Right? So I don’t come to a situation that deserves a two in intensity out of ten. Right? Like, like your son did a little thing, so like you come in hot at a ten. Don’t. You know what I mean? Maybe a situation deserves a two, come in at a two. Right? A situation deserves a five, come in at a five. But don’t just come in at tens like you’re out of control. Right? Power under control. You’re the strongest guy in the room, so you use that strength not to start fights to stop them. You protect people with your amazing power who can’t protect themselves.

Empty Promises vs. Consistent Action

Okay, power out of control, power under control. Y’all alright? Number two is this worldly masculinity is empty promises. Empty prom. It is so easy, so easy to become like a big talker. The guy who’s always talking about what you’re gonna do, what you could do, what you would do, like if only, but you never actually do it. Oh, we’re gonna go to the park next week, and never does it. It’s the it’s the husband who says, I’m gonna help more around the house, and it’s like three days later, you know, the dishes are still dirty, like you haven’t cleaned out the dishwasher.

It guys that talk a big game about like their values and their commitments and their character, but then when it comes time to actually live that out, it’s like where did you go? It’s all talk, no action. Worldly masculinity, empty promises. Christ-like manhood is this consistent action. Empty promises, consistent action. Uh the word integrity means this. It means when your words and your actions are the same. Okay? When your words and your actions are so when it’s when what you say equals what you do.

You know, Jesus says this. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. What does he mean? He just says this: mean what you say and say what you mean. You know, in Matthew chapter 16, Jesus comes to the disciples and says, like, hey, I’m gonna be killed, but on the third day I’m gonna be raised again back to life. And he doesn’t just say it, he did it. Right? Like if Jesus all throughout scripture, if Jesus said something, he did it. He had integrity. If he said it, he did it.

It’s like, oh man, I I I know I need to do something about my drinking. Look, man, if that’s true, do something about it. Don’t you don’t just talk, like, do I know I should probably read my Bible. Well, do it. Be a man, do it. It’s so easy. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. It’s consistent action, small actions, small changes right now that bring about big changes down the road. I know I should get in shape. Well, do it, big fella. Do it. You know what I mean? Don’t just talk about it. Do it. I need I need to prioritize time with my kids. Do it. Do it. Don’t just talk. I know I need to sign up for serve team with the church. Then do it. Do it. Don’t just talk, do it.

And like, yes, it takes time, but listen to this. Consistent action over time, it’s almost nothing you can’t do. Right, like patience is a superpower. If you can be patient, if you can commit to something, do the right thing, do the do the small right thing, time after time after time, and give it a year, you will be amazed what God can do in you. You’d be amazed what God can do in your family. But it’s not just about talking, it’s about consistent action. Faithfulness is a word, it’s a Bible word. It means consistency over time. Over time. And that’s the key part. Over time. Consistent. Because any bozo can be married for six months. A lot of them are. For about six months. But but to be married for like four decades, five decades, like that’s really something. Consistency over time.

Isolated vs. Connected

Okay, number one, power out of control, number uh versus power under control. Empty promises versus consistent action. Number three, this is the last one. Worldly masculinity is isolated. Isolated. So it’s a it’s a great tragedy, I’ll say, from this side of the counseling table. To see so many men failing. Failing at relationships, failing at purpose. And one of the reasons, one of the primary reasons I think I see so many men fail is because men are so bad at getting help. Like it’s like, you know, it’s like the guy, he never even asks for help, even when he’s drowning, right? Because men, I think masculinity, worldly masculinity, thinks that like needing help is a weakness.

So it so it’s the husband that shuts down emotionally rather than actually like doing the hard work of talking to his wife about what the issue is. It’s it’s the dad who like never shows any vulnerability to his kids. And so they grow up thinking that like men don’t have feelings. Worldly masculinity says, I can’t let anyone know that I’m struggling. So you come in, how you do? Oh, blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed. Yeah. Right? But but on the inside, and because of that, there’s a lot of men, and I think any counselor could tell you this: there’s a lot of men who have plenty of acquaintances. But very few deep friends. You serve God your whole life. Come to church for 40 years, but you don’t have deep friendship. Right.

And a deep friend, what do I mean by deep friend? A deep friend is someone who you feel free to talk to when you have an issue, but also a deep friend is someone who feels free to call you out when he sees your going down a bad path. Right? And so lots of men don’t have that. And so you can be mistreating your wife. You can be mistreating your kids for decades, and there’s no one to call you out on it. Right? Because you’re isolated. That’s not masculinity. Masculinity is not I can do everything by myself. Masculinity is following the example of Christ.

Look at this, Proverbs chapter 18, verse 1, says this. Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire, and he breaks out against all sound judgment. Breaks out against all sound judgment.

So worldly masculinity is isolated. Christ-like manhood is connected. You know, you would think, at least I would think, that if anyone could do life alone, they have the strength to do life alone, who might it be? Probably Jesus. Right? If anyone could do it, but even Jesus, he didn’t do that. Even Jesus built deep, meaningful relationships. Show me. Yeah, John chapter 5. Uh it says this, verse 19. Very truly I tell you, the son, this is when Jesus talks about himself. You’re gonna have to just be okay with that. He’s like, Jesus is like Yoda. He talks about himself in the third person almost exclusively. I can’t wait to ask him why. But he’s always talking about, okay, so when the Son, he’s talking about himself, can do nothing, the Son can do nothing by himself. He can only do what he sees his father doing. Because whatever the father does, the son also does. For the father loves the son and shows him all he does.

I think this is amazing that Jesus, who is the Son of God, he says this. I don’t do anything by myself. I don’t do any, I don’t make any decisions by myself. And I just think if Jesus needed connection, he needed his connection to the Father, so do you too. Is it is it possible that if he needs connection, you need connection.

Luke chapter 6 says this. What uh verse 12. One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles.

What am what am I talking about? Here, so there’s these twelve guys that Jesus chooses. These are by all accounts some of his closest friends. And I think it’s worth noting that Jesus spends all night praying before selecting the twelve. Right? It was that big of a deal that he choose the right people, right? So he prayed about it. He sought the father’s guidance on who should be in his inner circle. It’s not just, it wasn’t just friendship through convenience. He was he was deliberate.

There’s a lot of people that have plenty of relationships, but they don’t have God ordained relationships. Because it just is just convenience. It’s like, of course they’re my friends. I work with them at Circle K. It’s like, okay, well, that’s one way to go. That’s one way to pick your friends. You know what I mean? But like, I’ll say this: living your life decade after decade after decade after decade in faith, believing God, right? Following after God, not just for a summer, not just for a year, but for like an entire life. That requires there’s people around you who are supporting you and making you better. That’s what you need.

Listen to this. Ecclesiastes chapter 4, uh, Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verse 9 says this. Two are better than one, because if they have a good, because they have a good return for their labor, if either of them falls down, one can help them back up. Listen to this. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

I know a lot of people when they see this verse, they’re thinking, oh, marriage, because we all use this verse when we’re doing uh wedding ceremonies. And that’s for sure, but that I think it includes that, but but that’s not this is talking about all kinds of different relationships. So this is talking about friendships and mentorship and community and yes, marriage. That if you fall down, here’s the question who’s gonna pick you up.

Men, like I don’t know, and we don’t know like how always to communicate this to you because I know it feels it feels like it’s a type of man of manhood that’s different than what the world says. But I just want to shake you and tell you like if you want to do this right, you need to surround yourself with people who make you better. Jesus needed it, and you need real men don’t meet anybody. That’s not strength, that’s foolishness. And the strongest men that I know, I’m looking around, I’m looking at some of the strongest men that I know. These are men who have built strong relationships around them. Right.

So like men who have mentors. You need mentor. I don’t need a mentor. I’m 50. You need a mentor. But I I’ll tell you that I tell you this all the time. I’ve got so many mentors. Like I, there’s so many. You know, so like if I’m having an issue in my marriage, I know who to call. I’m having an issue, but I don’t know how to deal with this kid driving me up the wall. I need some parenting. Like, I know who to call. I have mentors, I have business mentors, I have ministry mentors, I have life mentors, I have finance mentors, right? That there’s people around me, and all of them, I’ve opened myself up.

And I tell you this before, mentorship, the quality of mentorship is based on the quality of the questions you ask. Right. So you don’t just say, hey, can you be my mentor? Yeah, cool. And then you just sit around waiting. Right. So like Art Art Kaplan, he’s one of my business mentors. I lead this church, I help lead this church. One of the things that a church is, is a business. It’s not primarily a business, but it is a business. And so when art, we have uh lunch a few times a year, and when that happens, I bring my notebook and I write questions down and I share with him things that I’m thinking, and I pull advice from him, I pull advice from him.

And so you might be thinking, yeah, I like the idea of a mentor, but I don’t have anybody. Well, how is it that I live in the same pond that you live in, and I would and I have no problem finding all the mentors I want. And so, but it just requires some effort, right? So maybe you’re thinking, like, man, I don’t I don’t know how to deal with this woman, our relationship, it’s growing. It’s like, man, go talk to Don Woods. He’s in charge of the premarital. Like, take him out to lunch. Pick his brain, you know, write questions down and ask him questions. Pull from that, open yourself up to him.

Maybe you’re like, I don’t know how to be a dad. Well, like, you know, AJ Weir is my brother-in-law. He’s he’s a dad of six kids, right? Have lunch with him, and all of his kids are pretty good, by and large. It’s working out well so far. Right? So, like, have him have ask him out for lunch. Ask him out for coffee and say, here’s what I’m doing. This is the problem. How did you guys handle this? How did you guys figure this out? Right? But but men, men in the world think the right way to do it is just, I’m never gonna ask any, I’m just gonna do it myself. Handle it myself. That’s not the kingdom way. That’s not the Jesus way.

And so not only do you need to have people that you reach out to, you need people. I’m thinking about like Preston right here. He’s one of my closest, one of my closest buddies. Right? Like if he sees my, and I’m his pastor, right? But if he sees me going down a bad path, you better believe he would tell me. Because he loves me. Right? And I’ve opened myself up to that. And there’s there’s just so much protection. Men, there’s so much safety in opening your life up to other people.

I can think of a number of divorced men. And I won’t say their names, obviously, but I but I can think of them like literally off the top of my head. I can think of probably four four divorced men that might still be married men, if they had surrounded themselves with people who are watching out for them. But they don’t want to. They just think it’s just better to be strong. But think about it, like, man, if you’re physically in trouble, like someone’s breaking into your house, hopefully what you’ll do is call 911. Right? Like if your car breaks down, you’ll call a mechanic. If you need legal help, someone’s suing you, you’ll call a lawyer. Right? But then, like when your marriage is struggling? Like when you don’t know how to be a dad, when you’re questioning your purpose, you think you’re just supposed to figure that out by yourself. It doesn’t make any sense. Even Jesus connected to other people. Even Jesus drew strength from other people.

Here’s my closing statement is this God’s call isn’t for men to become more like women, but for men to become more like Christ. One, power under control, not power out of control. God made you powerful, so use that strength to serve and protect others, not dominate or intimidate them. Two, consistent action, not empty promises. Integrity is where your words and actions match. Faithfulness is consistency over time that builds trust and character. Three, connected, not isolated. Even Jesus needed relationship with others. The strongest men build strong friendships, mentorships, and community around them.