Why Are Christians So Judgmental?

First John chapter 4, verse 1, if you have it. It says this. Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God. Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God. But every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in this world.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world. Pay attention to that viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us, but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. Listen to this last sentence. This is how we recognize the spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood.

The spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood. Let’s pray one more time. Heavenly Father, we’re so grateful. Grateful for your word, grateful for your church. We ask that you would speak to us this morning and to help us to receive and to listen. And it’s in your sense, let me pray. Everybody said? Amen.

Hot Potatoes

Well, we are kicking off a series this morning. It’s our summer series, and the title of the series is called Hot Potatoes. And I know you’re thinking, that’s the worst title I’ve ever heard in my entire Well, you might be right. It’s pretty dumb. But you might know what a hot potato is, right? A hot potato is something that is so hot that you don’t want to hold on to it for very long. You want to toss it to somebody else. And that’s exactly what the series is about over the next couple weeks. What we’re doing is we’re gonna talk about hot questions or hot topics that people are asking about Christianity. And each week it’s gonna be a specific question, and we’re gonna examine the question through the lens of scripture, and we’re gonna ask what God has to say about the question and how we as followers of Jesus should think about the question and respond to the question.

And just so you know, sometimes when I’m speaking or when Pastor Marshall’s speaking, Pastor Jordan, Pastor Sidney, sometimes when we’re speaking, we’re trying to motivate you. That’s not my primary gift. You know, Javi’s gonna be the prime, he’s the best motivator that I personally know. He’s a great motivator. Other times, but sometimes I’m trying to encourage you. Other times I’m trying to motivate you, encourage you. Other times, though, I’m trying to teach you. And how many people in here know that you need both motivation and education? Right? Because if you’re just motivated but you’re never educated, you can become an extremely motivated fool. Who does a lot of stuff but rarely does the right thing. So you need both motivation and education. Let’s not forget that it’s the truth that sets people free.

And part of my calling to let you know if you come to this church, you’re just gonna have to know this. We’re entering a new season here. Part of my calling, I would say one of my primary callings in what I do here is a teacher. You’re just gonna have to make peace with that. And the reality is that every so often, maybe a few times throughout the year, I’m gonna set aside some weeks, not to motivate you, but to teach you. That’s just who I am, and I think without that kind of some people think like, man, you know, Sunday mornings, it should just be proclamation, it should be the gospel, and then all the teaching stuff can happen midweek. Well, that is a great idea, but the problem is if you only motivate, if you don’t teach on Sunday, most people remain untaught. You know what I’m saying? Because all you come to is Sunday. And so Sunday, it has to be this balance of we’re talking about things that motivate us, encourage us, inspire us, but also we have to take the time to talk in intelligent ways. So I’m just gonna warn you like if you’re allergic to thinking, like you’re gonna have an outbreak in this series because we’re talking about things that require your brain to work, right? So and if you fall asleep, if you fall asleep on me this morning, like I’m just not sure you’re gonna get into heaven. Like I’ll see what I can do. I’ll make a call.

Why Are Christians So Judgmental?

Okay, so week one for this series, we’re gonna talk about what I perceive to be the fundamental issue when it comes to modern culture and Christianity. What is the primary issue that modern culture has with us? I go to the gym, not as much as I should, but I like to go to the gym, and sometimes when you go to the gym, you know you work out, but then also you got like a couple minutes between sets, and what you do during that time, all these guys is you just look around and you just scope everybody else out. Not the ladies, sweetheart. Never the ladies. We you look around, you see what other people are doing, you kind of learn other exercises, you’re like, oh, that guy, look at that guy’s shoulders, holy cow. And you’re just like looking, looking around, looking around. And sometimes what I do is I like to see if I can see any other Christians. People have a lot of tattoos showing, so sometimes you can see big Christian tattoos. Maybe someone’s wearing a Christian shirt, and then you can go up and talk to them.

Well, I spotted this guy from the distance this past weekend at the gym. He was pretty far away. He was an ominous looking guy. He didn’t look that friendly, but what I saw on his shirt is a black shirt, sleeveless, and it had a big red cross right here. And so I thought, oh, okay, well, maybe this is a Christian. And so I waited for him to get like a little bit closer. He switched machines. And I saw that what was actually the shirt was it was a big red cross, but it was like drenched in blood. It was like dripping blood, and it had the words across it, enemy of the cross. Enemy of the cross. And so this guy was this was not a Christian. This is a person who’s hostile towards Christianity. I don’t know if you know that, but there’s people in society right now that are not neutral. Right? They hate you. And they hate what you stand for. They’re not just neutral, they’re not for the cross, they’re not neutral, but they’re hostile towards the cross. And I don’t know what happened to this guy that makes him want to wear a shirt like that or to have such hostility towards what I perceive as like the most beautiful expression of love in the history. But I can tell you, probably if you were to zoom out, zoom out, zoom out, I bet his issue with Christianity is this one thing that we’re going to talk about this morning. And it addresses, exposes, I think, what the fundamental issue is, the difference between Christianity and modern culture.

Here’s the question Are you ready? Write this down if you’re taking notes. Why are Christians so judgmental? Why are Christians so judgmental? Why can’t Christians live their truth and let me live my truth? Why are they always trying to force their beliefs on me? Why are Christians so judgmental? And that seems like an interesting question, and it is an interesting question, but I’ll say this: that underneath that question is a deeper question. And the deeper question that they’re really asking is this are there moral absolutes? You ready? You okay to think with me for a minute? Are there moral absolutes? Are there things that are not just wrong for me, not just wrong for you, but are wrong across the board. And for you to say that your worldview is right and my worldview is wrong, well, isn’t that you judging me? Right? So why are Christians so judgmental?

And let me do a brief disclaimer here at the beginning and say this. I think that Christians should acknowledge that there are some things that are true for certain people and not true for other people. That’s just true. Yeah, hit me with an example. No problem. Here’s a couple. Some of y’all are runners, and you think that running is good for you. Right? So you get runners high. You’re like, who needs drugs when I can run? Like, that’s not for me. If you see me running, it’s because something’s chasing me. Right? Like, I need drugs. If I’m if you’re gonna make me run, then I’ll need drugs. Ibuprofen. It’s the only reason I’m running. Right? And so I’m glad that running works for you, but it doesn’t work for me. So running is the ultimate exercise. That could be your truth, that’s cool, but it’s not my truth.

Another one. So, my wife Jordan, she organizes her closet, you know, seasons and then within seasons and colors, probably like alphabetical after that. Me, I organize by the sniff test. Some of y’all men are with me here. So, this is my system. The farther right it is in the closet, the better it smells. Right? And so I just start over here and just work. I just go to the left if I really have to. But that’s my system and it works for me. So there are things that are subjectively true, subjectively true for you, that are not true for me. Subjective truth exists. But the question is this are there things that are not subjectively true, but objectively true, right? That no matter who you are, no matter where you are, no matter when you are, it will always be true.

Well, modern culture doesn’t think so, right? In fact, I’ve got a couple examples for you. In 1992, the United States Supreme Court said it like this at the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life. At the Golden Globe Awards in 2018, Oprah Winfrey said this speaking your truth is the most powerful tool that we all have. Speaking your truth. So the idea is this well, maybe your worldview isn’t bad. It’s just that it’s not for me. And so this is like the fundamental rub between Christianity and the world, right? Because they’re saying you ought not to have universal truths, and the Christian faith is made up almost exclusively of universal truths and values.

In John chapter 18, Pontius Pilate, you probably know the story, he goes up to Jesus, he’s the Roman governor, and he asks this question right here on the screen. What is truth? What is truth? And if you get the truth question wrong, you’re gonna get life wrong. What is truth? Like if you don’t know how to answer that, you’re gonna miss what God has for you because he is truth. God is truth. He’s the God of truth. The Bible says he’s the spirit of truth. And so if you miss truth, you’re gonna miss God. And so briefly, like what is truth? Here’s my little definition. It’s this truth is God’s view on any subject. Truth is God’s view on any, like what God says is truth. God is not a man that he should lie. Anything that comes out of the mouth of God is truth. What God says is truth. And so what God says about sexuality, life, morals, values, anything and everything, truth is God’s view on any subject.

And I’ll tell you, one of the greatest myths in popular culture right now is that my truth is the only truth. I just want to speak my truth. I just want to share my truth. Listen to me, your experience is not necessarily the truth. Your emotions are definitely not the truth. Right? Your truth might be a lie compared to God’s truth. See, what we do is we worship our truth instead of surrendering at the feet of truth, which is Jesus. Jesus is the way, the truth, the light. No one gets to the Father but through him. And so, as Christians, you just need to know this. If you’re new, I got some, I got a big pillow for you to swallow, and it’s this. We as Christians say that there are things that are right, and there are things that are wrong. Right? And that’s not based on personal preference. That’s not based on cultural consensus, but it’s like based on the unchanging character and commands of God. Right? But this is a question and it’s an issue for the world. And so I think for us, it becomes a question that we have to be intelligent about, because if you see someone who’s hostile towards Christianity, it’s probably this. And you might be thinking, like, eh, yeah, we all don’t we all agree on that already? I think probably a lot of us already do, but what I’m wanting to do is not just equip you to think right, but to be able to explain yourself right and communicate in an intelligent way. So here’s three things that I would say if someone was to ask the question, why are Christians so judgmental?

Everyone believes in absolute truth even if they say they don’t

Number one, I would say this. Everyone believes in absolute truth even if they say they don’t. Everyone believes in absolute truth. Abby Jeet Nescar, he’s this neuroscientist author, kind of a big deal. He says this here’s his quote There is no such thing as objective truth, it’s all subjective, meaning he says there’s no universal truth, it’s all about the person. That’s what he’s saying. There’s no such thing as objective truth, only it’s all subjective. Unless the brain finds a way to observe the universe independent of the brain, every truth is subjective truth. And look, I believe that he thinks he thinks that. But he doesn’t think that. But like, he has tricked himself into thinking that. Like he’s trying to be intellectual and cool, but to say that there is no universal truth in the world is nonsense. If you come to me and say, I don’t believe in absolute truth, well, you might think that you think that, but you don’t actually think that. It doesn’t work. Why? Two reasons.

Number one, emotionally. That’s not how the human heart works. Let me prove my point. Let’s say that there’s a guy in prison and he was convicted of sexual assault against a young girl. Okay? So he’s serving his term. And let’s say a news anchor comes to him and interviews him, and the guy says, Well, that was just my truth. Right? And she had her truth, and that was my truth. So who are you to judge me? We’re all just living our own truth. Like, do you think any sane, morally healthy person is gonna agree with him? Of course not. Because everybody knows that to take advantage of someone younger than you, weaker than you sexually is objectively wrong. It has always been wrong. It doesn’t matter, and maybe there were sculptures where it was appropriate, and other cultures, it doesn’t matter. It has always been wrong. It will always be wrong. And you know it. Right? There’s like so many examples that I but you know, and everybody knows that there are things that are not just true for you, it’s not your truth, it’s objective truth across the board. It’s not how the human heart works.

Number two is it doesn’t work for your brain, too. It also doesn’t work logically. This is my only philosophical point, and then we’re gonna get real practical here in a minute. So some of you know there’s this common illustration, I’ve got a picture. But it’s basically this group of blind men, and they all stumble upon and they find their way to this elephant. And so they’re all feeling the elephant, they’re all blind, and one man he grabs the trunk and he says, Ooh, elephants are strong and flexible and long. And another one grabs the leg and says, No, they’re not. The elephants are thick and stiff. And then another of the blind men is feeling like the side of the elephant, and he’s saying, You guys are both wrong. Elephants are huge and flat, and they argue about who’s right. And people make the point that that’s the way for them to communicate that all religions are the same. That all religions see a part of spiritual truth, and nobody can see the whole truth. But we all just see one little part of truth. And again, it almost sounds smart if you don’t think about it.

Here’s the problem with the story. In the story, the only way a person could see the blind people observing their part of the element is if you were on the outside, presumably not blind, seeing the whole elephant. Right? Like the only way that you could tell that story is if you think you see the whole elephant. Right? So in order for you to say other people only have part of the truth, you can only say that by thinking that you have the whole truth. Because how can you say that they don’t have the truth? How would you know? Well, the only way that you would know is if you know the truth. And so it if you see the whole, so you have to say that I see the whole truth, which is the very thing you say no one can see. And so there is no absolute truth, is an absolute truth claim. Point, I’m moving on. Everyone believes about everyone believes absolute truth. Everyone believes in it, even if they say they don’t. It’s just a modern lie, and everybody knows it. Okay. Everyone believes in absolute truth, even if they say they don’t.

God’s rules are rooted in love, not control

Number two is this you survived the philosophy. Here we go. Number two, God’s rules are rooted in love, not control. God’s rules are rooted in love, not control. See, a lot of people think freedom means I can just do whatever I want. Right? Like the fewer rules that I have, the freer I am. But freedom, I wonder if you could think about it with me, freedom’s not that simple. Right? In fact, true freedom comes through submitting to the right restrictions. True freedom, I’m gonna say that. True freedom comes from submitting to the right restrictions.

Let me hit you with a few examples. Sure, your health. So as you get older, I regret to inform you, you can’t just eat whatever you want. Right? When I was a teenager, I would for all day what I would eat for the day would be like 14 bags of Skittles and like a two-liter of Mountain Dew. Wake up the next day, feel fantastic. Right? Like eventually the doctor comes to you and tells you, like, well, if you keep eating the Skittles and the Mountain Dew, you know, you’re developing a reserve of Skittles and Mountain Dew, like around your midsection, and it’s gonna kill you. Right? So you’re gonna have to learn to like walk by the Skittles and the Mountain Dew and say no. Here’s the question Is that a loss of freedom? Only if you have the brain of a child. A mature person understands that like saying no to the foods that are killing you is a way for you to maintain as much freedom as possible. You’re constrained. Listen to me, but that constraint leads to the most freedom. Constraint leads to more freedom.

Another example, this is an easy one, marriage. So marriage opens you up to all kinds of freedoms security, fulfillment, joy, and there’s millions of choices that open up to you through marriage. But marriage is also very restricting. Wouldn’t you agree with that? The moment you said I do, there was tons of things you’re agreeing not to do. And I was talking about having sex with other people. Like, right, there’s like a million things that you’re agreeing not to do. Before I was married, me, me and Jesse and something, like we would go downtown because we played in a band and we had band, we had friends that were in bands, and so we’d go downtown. And if you know like downtown concert culture, the first band of the night goes on at like 10 p.m. And the last band goes on at like 1 p.m. or 1 a.m. And so we would go, we would show up, we would listen to the bands after the last band would play, we would go to Frontier and like I would be home at like 3 a.m. And like that’s not an issue at all when you’re like a single dude with no care in the world. But how many, but now that I have a wife and a daughter, like who thinks I still do that? No, of course not. Right? I go to I got to, you know, I got to bed at a regular hour, just like the rest of the adults. So am I less free now? Yeah, so it depends what you mean, right? Because I traded cheap freedom for deep, meaningful, lasting freedom.

I’m making a big point here. I hope you can track with it. True freedom is found in surrendering to the right restrictions. And the restrictions that I’m talking about are the ones that line up with who God created you to be. Right? That’s what that’s why a fish isn’t free in the grass. Like he’s free to go wherever he wants, but he’s not where he was created to live. But you put a fish in water, zooms around without even trying. Right? And so for a fish to restrict to what God made him to do is actually a way to get the most freedom. God is the same way. Right? That there are things that God has told you to do. And there’s things that God has told you not to do. And that’s for sure true. And that’s something that the world will have a big issue with. But the question is this, not if there’s rules or not. There, of course. The question is why? Why did God put rules on you? Well, it’s not because he’s a control freak, but he put rules on you because he loves you and he knows what’s best for you.

Right? This is what you have to be able to communicate to the world. I’ve got an amazing daughter who I love very much. I tell her no 4,000 times a day. Right? Can I eat ice cream for breakfast? No. Can you drive the car? You’re seven. Can I jump off the roof? No. Right? Can I have a pet snake? Not just no, not just no, heck no. Right? Like who wakes up thinking, you know what’s gonna make this house better? A snake. You know what? This house is nice, but you know what it needs? Snake. Right? Can I cut my own hair? No. Can I have a bow and arrow? No. Can I stay up all night? No. Can I sleep at the park? No. So am I being mean? No. Right? I’m not restricting her because I’m on a power trip. I’m restricting her because I’m protecting her because I love her. Right? And this is what the world doesn’t get about you.

And so even if you get this, you need to be able to say this. That it’s like, man, why are the Christians look, it’s not about God being a control freak. It’s not about God not wanting you to have fun. It’s about God knowing what’s best for you and putting guardrails around you that will help you live a flourishing life. Right. Say that at the gym. Because that’s like an intelligent answer. So people are like, man, you know, Christianity is so controlling, so blah, blah, blah. It’s like, yeah, no, I hear it. So the argument is not that there’s no rules in Christianity. There are. For sure rules, but just know that the rules are coming from a place of love. And the world thinks we’re judgmental because we are really good at presenting the rule, but we’re not so good at presenting the love behind the rule. Right? Like sex is only for marriage. Oh, well, God must hate people being happy. No, God invented sex, right? But God wants you to have the sex without the shame. God wants you to have the sex without the pain. And so he’s put guardrails around it. Not because he’s a control freak, not because we’re trying to be judgmental at other people, but because God has shown us the way to live in a way that will produce flourishing. Don’t hold grudges. Oh, God, stop trying to control me. He’s not giving you rules to control you. He’s giving you rules because he loves you. And so if someone says Christianity is just all about rules, no, it’s not all about rules, but there are rules in Christianity. But God gives the rules not because he wants to control us, but because he loves us and he knows what’s best for us.

Jesus showed us that truth needs grace and grace needs truth

One, everyone believes in absolute truth, even if they say they don’t. Two, God’s rules are rooted in love, not control. Number three, this is my last point. Jesus showed us that truth needs grace and grace needs truth. Jesus taught us that truth needs grace and grace needs truth. And see, this is where a lot of Christians struggle, right? And this is why we get labeled as judgmental, because some of us are good at grace, but we’re not good at truth. Right? So we’re good at I love you, but we struggle to like tell them the truth. Right? Others of us, right? Some of y’all on Facebook, some of y’all, you know what I mean? Like you’re good at truth, but you’re not good at grace. Right? And there’s a ditch on both sides of that road.

You can say it like this. Truth without grace is legalism. This was the predicament of the Pharisees, right? That they were technically correct. They had a form of truth, but they didn’t have grace with it. And so they used their truth to condemn rather than to heal. In fact Jesus comes and he calls them whitewashed tombs, which is a mean thing to say, especially if coming from Jesus. What he’s saying is this, hey, y’all are beautiful on the outside, but on the inside you’re ugly. Why? Because they had truth but they didn’t have grace. So is legalism. So truth without grace is legalism. And then also in the same way grace without truth is sentimentality. If you only give grace and never give truth you’re sentimental and you’re not helping. Right? So it’s like a doctor imagine a doctor sees that you have cancer and says you’re fine everything’s great. And they just don’t want to hurt you. And it’s like why did you say that? And it’s like well I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. You know like I didn’t want them to feel bad right that that’s not love. That’s like medical malpractice in that particular case.

And this is the tension that we as pastoral counselors, whereas Pastor Shirley’s one of the greatest counselors I know. Like, that’s why this is the tension that we have, and we don’t always get it right. But it’s tough, right? So if someone comes to me, like you call, you text, you want to reach out, you want to talk to me about this and that and this and that, like I will for sure give you lots of grace, lots of empathy, lots of understanding, coming in hearing you and hearing your point and entering into your story and understanding like what you feel about this and what you feel about that. But like I’m also gonna shoot straight with you. Because I’m not gonna, you’re not gonna come to my office and I’m gonna waste your time just showing you grace. I also have to show you truth.

And Jesus was the perfect example of this. He modeled both truth and grace. Truth and grace. Look at this, John chapter 1, verse 14.

The word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. This is talking about Jesus. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

This is Jesus, full of grace and truth. So it’s not 50-50. He wasn’t half grace, half truth. Like he was, it wasn’t like that he was grace Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and truth, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Like he was simultaneously 100% grace and 100% truth.

Hit me with an example. Yeah, just briefly. So John chapter 8, we read this story of this woman caught in adultery. Two people are caught in the act of adultery, a man and a woman. And so the religious police, they bring her, not him, but her to stand before this group, and they’re trying to like trap Jesus into getting him to admit that the right thing to do is to stone her. And so then they look at Jesus, like, what’s he gonna do? What’s he gonna do? We got him, we got him, because we know that this should be done according to people, but there’s the law. You know what I mean? So they’re trying to get him with great, they’re trying to get him with grace, or they’re trying to get him to counteract his grace by leaning on only truth. This is what a Pharisee would do. Right? And so Jesus, you know what he does? He looks at him for a second, they’re waiting for him to say something. And he slowly bends down and starts like riding in the dirt. This is classic, what is Jesus doing? You know what I mean? He’s like right. I don’t know if he’s looking at them when he’s right. I don’t know if he’s looking, who knows? Eventually he looks at them and he says, of course, the famous phrase, let anyone without sin cast the first stone. Right? What’s that mean? He’s saying this, deal with your own stuff first, people, right? Eventually people start to leave, and it’s just Jesus and the woman. And Jesus asks the woman, does anyone condemn you? And she looks around and she says, like, well, no. And he says, Neither do I. Now go and live your life of sin. Right? So this is grace and truth running parallel. Neither do I condemn you. That’s grace. Now go and leave your life of sin. That’s truth. Right? So Jesus doesn’t just say, like, you are disgusting pile of trash, like you need to figure it, like, he doesn’t do that, nor does he just say, like, you’re great. Just keep doing what you’re doing, right? He says, No, I don’t condemn you, but I am calling you to something higher. Right? But in that moment, they’re both working side by side, not because he’s a control freak, but because he loves this woman.

And so, like, how does this play out for the Christian? I’m trying to be practical here as we close. Jesus gives us this principle in Matthew chapter 7, that really can be for us kind of like a moral guide in how we treat other people. He says this, Matthew chapter 7, verse 1

Do not judge, or you two will be judged, for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, let me take that speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your eye? You hypocrite. First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

So Jesus does not say, don’t ever help your brother with their issue. No, he says, deal with your own issue first. Self-examination before other examination. And when we do that, like when that becomes the posture for us as Christians, as Christ’s followers, we approach moral issues not from superiority, not from oh, because I I’m so great, but with humility, recognizing your own need for grace. Right? Recognizing that you’re also in need of mercy, right? And that helps you to present the truth without disgust or anger or frustration, but like with humility and love and genuine concern of the other person.

Speaking the truth in love, Ephesians chapter 4, verse 15.

Instead speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ.

So when we present the truth in love, what happens is we create a space where people can change, right? This is the truth of the Pharisees, which like I don’t know if you’ve ever thought, like, what do you think a modern day Pharisee would do? I think it would have a lot to do with a keyboard. Right. Right? It would probably be throwing insults across the wall. Right? Here’s the problem. It doesn’t make space for people to change. It’s just fighting, right? And when we just like take cheap shots at people, just throwing grenades, like what it does is it creates defensiveness in people, where people become more closed off to the Christian faith, not less. And so if you think about even your own life, like when is it that you did the most changing? Was it when somebody like screamed at you like what an ugly idiot you are? It was probably when you probably changed, was when someone who you knew loved you came to you gently, kindly, you know, and gently pointed out an area where you could grow. Transformation and not condemnation is always God’s goal.

How do I do that without being a jerk?

Okay, so here’s here it is. If you’re thinking, like, okay, PD sounds good. How do I do that without being a jerk? Fair question. Here’s what I’ve learned for lightning round things.

Number one is this check yourself first. How do you present the truth without being judgmental? Number one, check yourself first. Before addressing someone else’s issue, examine your own heart and your own life. Have you dealt with your own log? Are you approaching it with superiority or with humility? Right? Because Jesus says, deal with your own issues first. That’s not a technicality, it changes how you approach other people. Check yourself first.

Number two is this ask, am I invited? Truth is most effective when it’s invited, not imposed. Remember, I went to Andrew Womak’s Bible college years ago. Cool, really cool guy, country, country fella, and he said one time, he said this he says, I never express my opinion about a person if they haven’t expressed that they’re open to what I have to say, or they’ve asked me my opinion. He said, I’ve got lots of opinions about lots of you. Right? And now that I’m about like I see exactly because I’ve got lots of opinions about lots of you. Right? But I’m not someone who’s just going around like offering unsolicited advice to other people, right? Because keep in mind that Jesus waited for people to come to him with questions before he told them the truth. Check yourself first, ask, am I invited?

Three, lead with relationship, not rules. Lead with relationship, not rules. Remember, Jesus with the woman who was caught in adultery. Just notice the order. He dispersed the accusers before addressing the sin. Right? He created safety before speaking the truth. And so this is how I like to say it. Try to build bridges of relationship before you try to transport truth across them. Right? If the first thing you need to do is you need to build a bridge, and you do that through relationship. And then once a bridge is strong, then you can transport truth across it. But don’t have like a shaky bridge. You barely even know the guy, and you’re yelling, it’s just gonna fall. People don’t know, don’t care what you know until they know that you care. Like cliche, yeah. True, yeah.

Number one, check yourself first. Two, ask, am I invited? Three, lead with relationship, not rules. And four, and I’m done. Speak truth, you’ve lived. Speak truth you’ve do not just parrot your favorite preacher. Don’t just parrot your favorite politician. Share truth that you’ve personally experienced. Right. And it doesn’t have to be like super well thought out. You don’t have to like be able to articulate everything in like some theological way, but just like here, this is how this changed my life. Is so much more powerful than you having like seven points that you copied from me. Right. Like, don’t worry about any of that. Just share the truth that you and the goal is not to win an argument. Right. And so if you have friends, like I I’ve got plenty of friends that are far from God. They’re not following God at all. Right. And so when I’m with them, right? Like, I’m not trying to say, like, well, I’ve got seven reasons why, you know, the creation account is true. Like, I’m not doing that. I’m communicating to them truth that I’ve lived. How God personally changed my life. The power of your testimony is so much more powerful than saying just like here’s what you’re doing wrong. And again, the goal is never to win arguments or to prove we’re right. The goal is heart transformation.

And always remember, too, that like as you’re addressing things in other people, maybe things that you think are wrong, understand this that there’s still wrongness on the inside of you. Right? And that God is in the process. So when I’m talking to somebody, I’m saying, like, man, God has some things, I’m sure, for you, but he’s still got things for me too. Right? Like, I’m still learning too. I’m still growing too. Right? So like I’m still in need of God’s grace too. And so just know that God is not in the business of judging, condemning. John 3:17, God did not send his son to condemn the world, but to save the world. He’s not in the business of condemning, he’s in the business of transformation, both in you and the other person.

Here’s my closing statement. Responding to the claim that Christians are judgmental means understanding the relationship between truth and grace. In a world that champions personal truth, Christians can lovingly stand for absolute truth while avoiding both ditches on the road. One, everyone believes in absolute truth, even if they say they don’t. Two, God’s rules are rooted in love, not control. Three, Jesus shows us that truth needs grace, and grace needs truth. When we follow Jesus’ example, examining ourselves first, speaking truth, we’ve lived, and leading with relationship before rules, we can hold firm convictions while treating others with greater love, not less. Greater love, not less.